It's Always Something
by Ms. New York
Summary: A story of love, betrayal, trust and the true meaning of marriage between a man and a woman. H/M mostly with some H/OC.
1. Ah, Look at All the Lonely People

**It's Always Something**

_A/N: Hi! An actually first H/M chapter story by me! :D I'm hoping I get this right and it's kinda weird, but it's H/M. I got inspired from "Grey's Anatomy". Remember, it's just a start._

The candles were lit around the huge bedroom making it dim, it was the only light to see the two of them drinking wine and carrying on. There were rose pedals scattered on the floor around the bed and the scent of perfume filled the air. As well as some soft music in the background; a mixture of jazz and soft rock from that time era.

He, on his back and on his side of the bed was staring at her, as she was looking straight ahead sipping her wine little by little. He studied her face, forgetting how beautiful she was. She felt his glaze upon her and loved it. She wanted him to keep waiting; to keep him anticipated. That's what she loved to do. She looke over to him admiring his chest that was bare outside the covers. And as always, she admired his piercing blues never stopped looking at her. They were like water, always the same, but then again, always changes. She, being calm as she was turned back straight ahead in this circumstance just quietly laughed continuing to drink her wine.

Dr. Benjamin Franklin Pierce also known as Hawkeye to friends or comrades laid in the bed getting ready for a night of fun with his wife, Mrs. Margaret Houlihan-Pierce formally known as Major Houlihan; formally known as Hot Lips to many others.

They married as soon as they got home from the Korea War concluding that they could't live without each other. It was a quiet ceremony with their friends and parents, but nothing fancy. They refused to have that, didn't see the sense of having a huge ceremony and keeping account of every little detail. After all, everyone knew that they were going to get together in the first place from the first time they set their feet in Korea.

Setting her wine glass on the end table, she slid her body underneath the covers slowly putting her head on the pillow. She turned on her side and stared at her husband.

"Now, I'm ready." She replied in her soft whisper. Her bangs slightly covered her eyes but she had enough space to see him; to see her smile. Hawkeye moved the bangs to see his wife's beautiful eyes.

"Thank God. I actually thought you were going to hold back on me. Now, where did we leave off?" He asked in a sly cool way. With a laugh from the woman, Hawkeye blew out the nearby candles so it was dark and rustling started.

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"I don't think you understand what I'm saying! I have a career to think about Robert! I don't have time for this foolishness." Jackie Moon argued with her husband in another part of Crabapple Cove.

"What do you mean you have no time for this foolishness? Is your daughter foolishness, Jackie? You have all the time in the world for the hospital and the patients, but not your family? Think of your daughter! She's living without a mother."

"What would you like me to do, Robert? Get fired or lack my work? I'm the most ambitious out of all the women out there! I'm making a statement that any woman can do what they want if they work hard enough and fight for what they want. Would you like me to quit on that dream?"

"No, but a little time off is all I'm asking. She's three years old!"

"I know that. Don't you think I know that?"

Frustrated, he added. "You know what? I'm not arguing anymore do what you have to do; I have to get to bed. There's no getting through to you. You know what you are? Stubborn. Stubborn as a mule." He pointed to her before taking off. "Jackie, make a decision, either your career, or your family." He stormed away heading to the bedroom.

Jackie Moon just stood there in silence with nothing to do. Her marriage was on the wrecks because of a demanding career she loved; being a doctor at Crabapple Cove General Hospital and working next to a man that kept her sane through the whole thing. Other than that, they were good friends with a wonderful and secret past. But she also loved her daughter and wanted to make the world better for her but her career was the only way. She wanted to show her daughter that she could be anything she wanted to be and no one has to stop her. Women were on the rage already for the rights they deserve. Jackie wanted her daughter to do the same thing.

Jacqueline Ann "Jackie" Moon was a petite woman with a strong heart. Her misty black hair was short and up to her collar. Her mixed skin was a beautiful complexion and the perfect blend that any woman would want to be noticed. Her dark brown eyes were filled with determination; to move ahead in life. She was frowned on in the whole world, but in this small town, she was accepted as a human being and not as a color. Her life dream is to one day go places where she would not be discriminated because of a color, but she would rather be frowned on if she was treated as a human. Jackie Moon is determined to show her case to the world and prove that she is just as good as a white woman, and man. But first things, first, she had to take care of her family and solve their problems quick before it was too late.


	2. I've Just Seen a Face

**Chapter 2**

"Good Morning, Dr. Pierce. You seem to be in high spirits, did you get any last night?" Jackie greeted with a laugh the next morning as she approached the building in some higher spirits than the night before. She was dressed in her usual scrubs getting ready for another day.

"Let's not be formal, Jackie." Hawkeye responded in a play manner. "I told you, you can call me Hawkeye we've known each other for years. And yes, for your information, I did." His mouth formed into a smile.

"I'm sorry Dr--err Hawkeye. I keep forgetting since I have to be professional, forgive me. There's a lot on my mind, and apparently yours too." Jackie responded. They walked to the front doors where Hawkeye, being a gentleman for once since being stateside opened the door for Jackie and let her pass.

"Yea, but not as bad as yours. You're now sounding a little irritated." Hawkeye noticed as they went to the front desk to sign in. "What's the matter? You're always the cheery person."

"Oh, come now, Hawkeye. I've never been cheery if my life depended on it." She gave a sigh. "Well, if you must know…

"I do," Hawkeye interrupted.

Jackie ignored it and just went on. "My husband and I aren't in the best of shape. He accuses me of being too absorbed in my work and not to my daughter or him. You remember Mariah?"

"I've never met her, Jackie, I was getting married and coming home."

"Oh, right, sorry." Jackie felt a wave of guilt coming out of nowhere.

"Don't mention it, so why does he think that?"

"Because it's true." She admitted with the same guilt. The two signed in and headed to their designated area, which was the same place: second floor. They walked to the elevator waiting for it to come down. "I've always been too serious about my work. You know that, especially in medical school. I want to be an excellent doctor one-day maybe surgeon general someday, and I can't get there by fooling around. I want to make a difference in this world something a woman must accomplish. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter to the ends of the Earth, but I have to have this job to provide for her. You get what I'm saying?"

"Yep. You're just doing the best you can. That's understandable, you get by each day." Hawkeye paused for a second then went on. "I would love to meet her someday."

"You would love her, she's a doll." Jackie smiled again as she imagined her little girl at home. She wanted to change the topic and asked about Hawkeye's night.

"My night was amazing. Margaret--my wife was the most beautiful woman on the planet. We usually argue over having children, but not last night. Last night was a dream for me." Hawkeye's mind was somewhere else with a goofy smile on his face. Jackie couldn't help but laugh a little to herself.

"Why don't you want to have children, do you have a dislike for them?" She asked after her little laughter ceased.

"No, no not at all. I, Benjamin Franklin Pierce cracked in the suppression of war or a "Police Action" after witnessing a mother smothering her own baby. I'm not ready to face that again." The elevator came down and the two hopped on pressing floor two.

"Hawkeye, your child will not get smothered nobody does that."

"She did." Hawkeye stated.

"But that was for a life or death situation. If she hadn't done what she did, then I would not be talking to you right now. You can't blame yourself for that. She did what she had to do."

"But I can't help but think that, I can't stop blaming myself. I'm the one who told her to keep the baby quiet. I didn't mean for her to kill it." Hawkeye's voice was in despair and Jackie noticed and was trying to calm him down.

"I see your point." The elevator stopped at the second floor and they started walking once again. "But that doesn't mean that you should let this haunt you for the rest of your life. You used to get over this quickly, Hawkeye, and it's been four years, am I right. You can't let this ruin your life."

"I know, but I can't help it." Hawkeye added as he stopped in the hallway.

"Well, if you like, we can continue to talk about this at lunch, unfortunately, I have to go, I'll see you later, Hawkeye." Jackie started to walk in her direction.

"You too, Jackie." Hawkeye thought for a moment whether he should have done more than of what he did. Whether he should have hugged her or just did what he did debate in his mind. There was a feeling within him that he hasn't felt in a long time. After all, he and Jackie used to be something… but that was so long ago and he had the same feeling then, and Hawkeye thought he had the same feeling now. He wondered if Jackie had the same thing, but that was just impossible. Jackie Moon was a devoted woman, to herself and her husband. Why would she have feelings for an ex?

He snapped back and then thought of Margaret. She was beautiful in her uniform at the first time in Korea the hellhole. However, something within this thought was holding him back, and he knew whom, Jackie.

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"Ok, Dr. Moon are you ready?" the anesthesiologist asked as he got everything set for the surgery.

Jackie scrubbed up ready to get started with the simple procedure of removing appendix. She didn't care what the surgery was; she just loved being in the room. The light, the assists, the ability to use a single knife to cut into somebody without fear or hesitation and remove an organ of any sort. Appendix, intestines, tumors, anything, she adored it. She loved the things that she did, other people feared or called disgusting but she didn't care, this is what she lived for. Out of nowhere, she was reminded of a saying of Hippocrates: _From the brain and the brain alone arise our pleasures, joys, laughter and jest as well as our sorrow, pain, grief and tears… The brain is also the seat of madness and delirium, of the fears and terrors, which assail by night or by day… _Half of this didn't apply to her, but to other people around her as she worked or walked. This saying was important and has its own purpose.

"Dr. Moon?" the anesthesiologist questioned again almost impatiently.

Shaking her head to get back to reality, Jackie answered, "I'm sorry, yes I am ready."

"Alright then, giving the anesthetic then." The mask went over the laying body underneath him. The breathing started heavily and the eyes were slowly closing. With a nurse across the table Jackie Moon replied, "Alright then, let's get started people. Scalpel." Thus, it began.

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"What's that twinkle in your eye?" Dr. Pierce Senior asked. When Hawkeye came home from the war, Daniel wanted his son to get back to work since it would be a good thing for him. Nevertheless, that didn't happen for a few months after he married Margaret, but it did happen eventually. Daniel gave him time and patience and one day, Hawkeye was ready to go back to work, but not in children just yet which was understandable to his father. Fathers understand everything within their sons. Sidney Freedman did say that he'd be ready one day which should have been when he came home, but Hawkeye refused for now for his own reasons he kept to himself. Right now, he would do the general surgery if needed or paperwork as well as assisting the nurses. From there, they'll work on to get Hawkeye back into his regular old self again.

"It's nothing, Dad. Just… nothing." Hawkeye responded without looking at him in the eye.

"Oh yea? I had that same twinkle when I first met your mother. It's a girl." The senior man replied with all his knowledge and wisdom on the subject.

"Something like that. It's not going to lead into anything, honest. Margaret is my true love you know that. Besides, the young girl is married."

"That's never stopped you before." Hawkeye rolled his eyes in disgust at his father's smart remark.

"Oh come on! I'm not _that_ bad." Hawkeye defensively said.

"Please. You could get any young helpless girl to your side. Don't argue, after all, I've known you all your life. In addition, I can tell you had that look since the first time you laid eyes on a girl. So, who's the girl?" Daniel just couldn't help himself.

"Ok, it's Jackie. Remember her? She was just an old flame after Jackie and I guarantee that nothing's going to happen. Margaret's my true love, remember. That's why I married her in the first place. Why are you making a big deal out of this?"

"I'm not, Hawk, you are." Daniel said with a sly laugh to himself.

"How am I doing that?"

Still laughing, the elder replied. "You just gave me a speech about your love, you're defending yourself. Don't worry, I won't tell Margaret." Daniel thought for a moment. "Jackie was a nice girl I liked her. Why did you two split up in the first place?"

"Is it really important?" Hawkeye asked sounding irritated by the whole conversation.

"No, not at all. Can't an old man ponder?" Daniel asked helplessly.

"An old man can ponder, but not in his son's love life."

Daniel backed off. "Alright, Hawk. I'll give up, besides I got work to do." Before he left, he added. "You better get your matter worked out. You sound confused." Daniel Pierce walked off. Hawkeye ignored him and went back to work.

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"Doctor? Is there something going on between you and Dr. Pierce?" A scrub nurse asked as the two women were changing.

Surprised by the question, Jackie said. "What? No, of course not!"

"Oh, well since you two were carrying on a conversation like no tomorrow, I figured that you two were hitting it off." the nurse had a sly smile.

"Nurse, I'm a married woman and he's a married man. We're good friends, that's it, nothing more, nothing less." Jackie stated.

"Ok, I'm sorry I brought it up." the nurse then left leaving Jackie thinking about that short brisk talk.

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**Lunch**

Sitting across from each other, Jackie and Hawkeye were enjoying their conversation continued from that morning. "So, you think that you will never cope with the lost of that child?"

"Pretty much." Hawkeye said as he took a bit out of his turkey sandwich.

"Hawkeye, that's crazy. I understand taking time to adjust, but it's been a while since this war been over. But what are you going to do about Margaret? Hawkeye, she wants a family, she wants you to be a father. You should be able to get over the past by now." Jackie took a forkful of her salad not letting her brown eyes off Hawkeye.

"I suppose you're right, but it's not easy." Hawkeye confessed.

"They never said it was going to be easy. My pop sometimes has flashbacks of the big War. (WWII) He sometimes thinks he's in a trench praying to God almighty to let him die. You'll have flashbacks, since everyone does, but it can't control your life."

Hawkeye sat in silence taking another bit of his sandwich and thinking about what Jackie said. He knew she was right, but he didn't know if he could go through with it. He just didn't feel ready to adjust to a kid at home. He wasn't ready for that.

Jackie let Hawkeye soak that in as she looked at some papers she brought with some new research of Alzheimer's disease that was being contributed to all doctors. Her heart was set into it, as Hawkeye's heart was somewhere else.

_A/N: ??? Suggestions, advice or harsh comments. Let me know. :D Please, please, please, review. :D _


	3. Help

**Chapter 3: Help**

Hawkeye walked to his noble home where he was greeted by his wife. "Hi, Margaret."

"Hey, Hawk. How was your day?" She came to greet him with a peck on the lips. She had to go on her tippy toes just to reach him and he had to bend down to assist.

"Same old, same old." Hawkeye replied holding Margaret at the waist looking down at her with his beautiful blues.

"Oh. Nothing much happened here either. Went to Charlotte's today and had a little day out and all. But that was it."

"Hmm, sounds like fun, which I hope it was." Hawkeye let go of Margaret's waist still looking down at her then heading for the kitchen. He only reached the counter and didn't grab anything just yet.

"Hey, Hawk?" Margaret called as Hawkeye walked.

"What?" He called turning around noticing that she was coming through the threshold to be near him once more.

"I was thinking of last night, and you know how much of a good time we had and for once we didn't argue..." she paused and thought about the words to say."I want more of those nights. I don't want to argue with you about whether or not to have children. I know that it's going to take a while of you to get over it, I really do know that. But sometimes I just get so frustrated and impatient sometimes, that I let the best get to me and I really do want a family. I respect you decision, of not wanting any, respect, not agree mind you. What I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry, Hawk. I'm sorry. I will try to be more patient when it comes to you and children. I will really try." She looked up at him with her pale eyes waiting for a response to come out. Margaret put her head back down.

"Margaret, I know that I can be a pain in the ass sometimes," Margaret giggled at the response. "And I know how much you want to start a family. I will try to do better for _you._I will try to cope faster, so maybe hopefully we can have a family. I'm actually talking to a friend of mine at work, and she's helping me through it." Hawkeye held Margaret once more tightly to reassure his wife.

"Oh, and is this friend a therapist?" Margaret asked.

"No, but she's a very close friend of mine. Now, before you get started, she's just a friend, nothing more, I promise you. So don't worry your pretty little head off, ok?

Margaret smiled, knowing that her husband had forgiven her. "Ok. At least you have somebody to talk to. What's her name?"

"Jackie Moon. One of the topping surgeons at Crabapple Cove General Hospital. The only aspiring woman surgeon my I add. She's a determined worker and very good at what she does."

"I think I met her before." Margaret thought as he let go of Hawkeye. "Didn't I meet her at a Christmas party that was there?"

"I doubt it. She has a young child so she was probably home with her. Her husband works mixed shifts. So he could be home in the morning and go in at nights or he works till early morning and is home at nights. His schedule is unpredictable. "

"Oh, well she sounds familiar."

"She's been in the paper quite often, maybe from there?"

"That's probably where then." Margaret concluded.

"Great, now that's done, may I please eat?" Hawkeye begged giving Margaret puppy dog eyes as well as the traditional pout look.

She laughed. "Sure, be my guest." With that, Hawkeye then made himself a smorgasbord of food.

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"Hey, baby girl." Jackie greeted like she always did when she walked through the front door of their home.

"Hi Mommy." The young girl came to her mother giving her a hug and wanting to be lifted into her mother's arms.

"How was your day?" Jackie asked lifting her up and giving her a kiss with a smile.

"It was good. Daddy's home, he's in the kitchen."

"I can hear that." Jackie replied. "Let's see if he wrecked the kitchen yet."

Mariah laughed. "Ok." Jackie walked into the kitchen with her daughter seeing Robert sitting at the table reading the paper. Jackie put Mariah down and sat near her husband.

"Hi."

"Oh, hi, didn't see you there." Robert said not looking up from his paper. "What do you want? Or are you saying goodbye?"

"Robert, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I will make an effort to spend more time with you and Mariah. I've been thinking about it." Her fingers started strumming on the table as she continued to talk. "And you're absolutely right about me. I work too much, I'm obsessive. But that's because it's important to me. Apparently what's important to me disappears once you have a family." She stopped strumming looking down at her daughter. "Robert, I hope that you find it in your heart to forgive me. Even if you don't I'm find with that too. I'm a horrible person. I do not deserve your forgiveness. We'll have to work things out." She looked up at her husband who was still reading the paper. He put it down, and looked at Jackie's brown sorry eyes. He thought of what to do. He was willing to do everything to get this family back in order, but then again, if they tried, would it really work? He had nothing to lose and so he made a decision.

"How can I not forgive you?" Robert motioned his arms for Jackie to sit on his lap. Mariah clapped her hands once her mother accepted the offer. "That's my girl." He kissed her long and good. "Do you really promise to try to make everything better?"

"Yes, yes I do, Robert. I promise."


	4. Falling Inside the Black

**Chapter 4: Falling Inside the Black**

It was only a matter of time. It was only a matter of time before somebody would snap in the heat of the pressure on the longing and promises. A matter of time that peace would suddenly go to war after you made up from something. Time is the last thing anyone needs at the moment. Time was not the greatest thing in the world.

It has been a few weeks since Hawkeye had made peace for Margaret and Jackie has made peace with Richard. Jackie kept her word to her husband and Hawkeye to Margaret, but between them was still some tension from so long ago since they once were together.

This brought some harsh discomfort the hospital, but each tended it in their own way.

Jackie was starting to feel something once again with Hawkeye as she worked and Hawkeye was starting to have the little flutters in his stomach like he did with Margaret from the first time he met her. But then again, it was like when the both of them met each other for the first time too:

_1941--Androscoggin College, Maine_

_Hawkeye Pierce, tall dark and handsome walked through the corridors of the college fo Androscoggin, Maine with in his tuxedo observing the hall where the yearly ball was going to be held. He did not bring a date, but only himself since all the girls would woe him either with a date or without. _

_His smashing ice blue eyes searched the big room noticing people in groups sitting on the tables talking quietly and laughing at the jokes they made. This pleased him, the many women without dates made him available to everyone. But there were some with dates, flirting with one another: kissing, and hugging. The usual, which Hawkeye missed a little after Carlyle disappeared out of his life… but that wasn't important right now. _

_Hawkeye noticed that there was a separate woman in the back of the table watching the others exactly like Hawkeye. She was mixed, the young man noticed, which was why she was separated. He knew her: Jacqueline Moon, one of the top students most of his classes. She worked harder than anyone he had seen all because of her determination that she can be something because of her skin color. He never really communicated with her: she sat in the back, but he knew her grades when she was embarrassedly praised in the class. She would look down sheepishly ignoring the evil glares targeted at her. She always got by. _

_He noticed more people coming in with dates including some other of Hawkeye's acquaintances and friends, all aiming themselves for the lovely ladies of the night. Hawkeye might as well join in and he decided on Jackie. Slowly, he started walking straight towards the young lady as she was staring through space. _

_He reached to the table; Jacqueline pretended not to see him. He pulled the chair out next to her sitting down and stared at her. Jacqueline couldn't help but look. _

"_Hi," Hawkeye greeted. _

_Uneasy, Jacqueline scooted a little farther not sure if she could trust him. Her brown eyes had suspicion that would never go away. She knew who he was, it wasn't that hard. He was the man all the girls wanted here and everywhere. She found one word to speak and hoped that he would go away. "Hello." _

"_Do you have a date here tonight?" Hawkeye asked with curiosity as he looked into her eyes and noticed how beautiful this woman was. She was slender and petite, longing for acceptance in an unforgiving world and yet she was so beautiful; the eyes showed it. Her dress was a dark blue with thick straps and glitters all scattered. Her hair was put up in a high bun and had earrings of what looked like diamonds which also matched her necklace. _

"_No." She shook her head and looked down losing patience. "Look, what do you want? If you're going to do a prank on me like the others please do it and get it over with. If not, please go away! Don't I get enough torture because of who I am?" Her voice was tender and filled with annoyance more than anger._

_Hawkeye wasn't going to be accused of anything he didn't do. "I'll explain. I don't have a date and noticed that you were lonely. I was wondering if you would like to be my date tonight. It sure as hell beats sitting in this corner all night." _

"_Are you serious, Hawkeye, right?" _

_He nodded. _

"_You don't mind being seen with me. This isn't a joke, a one date and that's it?" _

"_Yes." _

"_I swear if you do anything to me, I have no problem killing you and going to jail. Understand me?" _

"_Yes, Jacqueline." _

"_It's Jackie." She corrected. _

"_Yes Jackie." Hawkeye repeated. _

"_So, how did you really want to do this?" Her voice was calmer now. _

"_I would like to know about you." Hawkeye suggested. _

"_Just as long as I learn about you as well." _

"_Deal." Hawkeye flashed a smile. "Where are you from?" _

"_Harlem, New York. You?" She asked. _

"_Crabapple Cove, Maine." _

"_Could you kindly repeat that?" Jackie's face changed into a quizzical look from what he just said. _

"_Why certainly. Crabapple Cove, Maine. Near the ocean line of Maine. My father is a doctor and loves to fish. My mother died when I was very young, ten years old of a heart attack. My full name is Benjamin Franklin Pierce, but of course I am known as 'Hawkeye' from the book—"_

"The Last of the Mohicans"_Jackie finished. "I'm going to say that it was your folks' favorite book." She smiled for the first time that night. Hawkeye noticed and answered the question with a nod. _

"_Now, about you." _

"_I come from Harlem. My parents worked odd jobs and were able to save up to get me through college with some help from my family. They are loving and generous to everyone when we had so little. I am an only child with a huge family on both sides of my family." The two remained silent as Jackie lived through the memory once more seeing the dead cold bodies motionless into to ground. The sight brought shivers up her spin, and then she came back to reality. _

"_So, what else do you want to know about me?" Hawkeye asked. _

"_A lot more than you think…" Jackie replied. _


	5. Ebony and Ivory

**Chapter 5: Ebony and Ivory**

**A/N: There will be insults in here for African Americans, I apologize and I am in no way a racist, I believe it is wrong and everyone should live in peace and harmony without any prejudice in this world we don't need it and we should all just get along. Thought I tell you beforehand. Thanks for the reviews! :D**

_"So, what would you like to know about me?" Hawkeye questioned as he was watching Jackie. _

_"Are you a racist?" Jackie asked straightforward. She needed to know and longed for the answer. The last thing she needed right now was to dance with someone against her color and spend the night with him on top of that. _

_Hawkeye paused, opened his mouth to say something but quickly closed his mouth once more. He wasn't a racist; his parents raised him to accept everyone even if the world around him didn't. All men and women deserved to be treated the same regardless of skin. That's what Hawkeye's mother always said. She always believed that since she came from Italy, looking for acceptance like everyone else and she made sure her son would treat everyone equal. "No, I'm not racist, Jackie. Never had, never will be either." _

_The young woman felt relief and smiled a little satisfied that she wouldn't be confined all night long. "Alright then. So, why are you wanting to be a doctor?" She put her elbows on the table prompting her head up. _

_"Well, it's a family profession, like I said; my father is a doctor at our little hospital in town. He loved his profession and inspired me in a way. Now, it's my turn." Hawkeye concluded. _

_"Alright, what do you want to know?" Jackie asked this time her voice cool and calm. _

_"Why do you want to become a doctor?" _

_"To prove to the world that a woman and a mixed American can be anything they want to be without being discriminated. I set to prove that even if it takes me a lifetime." Her chocolate eyes inspected Hawkeye from head to toe in a second. "Anything else?" _

_"What about your parents?" _

_"I told you, they work odd jobs. My father right now is a cashier for a grocery market and my mom works part time as a waitress. My father used to work with the mafia underground; since he is a black man but was never caught and quit because I was born. He's a good man though, can tell stories like no tomorrow." She moved her hands on the table and strummed her fingers to a beat. _

_Hawkeye, who was now getting thirsty, asked Jackie if she wanted anything. She nodded her head then Hawkeye excused himself to the refreshment table. As he walked, he was getting glares and evil eyes from all over. _

_At the table, one of his buddies whispered. "What are you doing?" _

_Hawkeye gave an unsure look over to the dirty blonde young man about his height. He chuckled a little. "What are you talking about?" _

_"You know." He nodded his head over at the table. _

_"Know what?" Hawkeye still wasn't getting it. _

_The other young man breathes in frustration and huffed out. "Whatja doing with that colored woman?" _

_"Colored?" _

_"Yea, nigger, you know. We don't mingle with their kind." _

_Hawkeye once again give his famous laughs and froze in place. "I believe you're mistaken. I am with a young, beautiful, intellectual woman by the name of Jackie."_

_"You really are playing dumb, aren't you?" _

_"No, that's who she is. She's not 'colored', she definitely not 'nigger', she's a person; a human being like you and me, she's not an animal. If I hear you say those words again, I'll cut your tongue out using it for a pencil, understand?" _

_A little intimidated by the insult, the dirty blonde walked away and Hawkeye got the drinks. Jackie saw the whole scene and felt a little embarrassed that Hawkeye had to go through that. _

_"Here we are, my dear. Two drinks." Hawkeye greeted back as he put the drinks down. _

_"I'm sorry." Jackie spoke in a silent voice. _

_"For what?" _

_"What you went through with your friend over there. You shouldn't be seen with me." She sipped her drink. _

_"Now there, you are wrong, I was not embarrassed; I stood up for you and myself. I have no problem being with you. People are arrogant in this world, and only see the outside but not the inside. That's what my mother used to say." Hawkeye looked down and back up again as he gulped his drink. _

_"You talk a lot of your mom, you must miss her dearly." Jackie said sympathetic. _

_"I do." _

_"Tell me about her."_

_"My mother was an Italian immigrant who came from Naples. She was slender like me and ravens colored hair just like mine and the skin of a pure Italian, which I don't have." He made Jackie giggle for a moment and they went on with his story. "She was a loveable woman who strived to live the perfect American life; to fit in. She did in Crabapple Cove and made the best spaghetti in the whole town!" The ice blue eyed man memorized the moment for a while where Jackie had to snap him out of it with a simple question. _

_"What happened to her?" _

_Hawkeye's expression changed from a happy moment down to a depressing one. "One night, when I was ten years old, Mom was having chest pains. My father didn't think much of it. She was hospitalized for a few days and we thought we would be fine. She came home, died in her sleep of a heart attack. Well, that's what Dad said. He was next to her when she died. I never said goodbye; until the funeral that is." Tears were about to bundle up in his eyes at the memory of his mother's cold, still body lying in a box sleeping but to never wake up again. He was able to hold it in, remembering that he was at a ball, a happy occasion that called for no tears. _

_Jackie put her hand on top of Hawkeye's. The touch was soft and smooth. "I'm sorry, Hawkeye." _

_"Yea, thank you. It was a long time ago, but once in a while, I think of her." Soft music started to play and calmed Hawkeye's spirits a little bit. _

_"I can never imagine losing a parent. But I did lose a cousin who I was close to when I was ten too." _

_"Oh," Hawkeye looked at her with interest. _

_"My cousin, Jeremiah. He was much older than me, about seven years but he and I always hung out in the streets of Harlem whenever he came to visit us. One year, we went to Georgia-where he lived and apparently he did something to a white man. They captured him and took him away." Jackie's voice was starting to break. "Our whole family looked for him everywhere and we did, hanging on a tree. He was motionless hanging by the neck like they do down south. I was so memorized by it. I was in tears for weeks after that. The cruelty that a human being could do to another human being all because of the color of their skin. It sickens me. That's why I am who I am now." She turned away from Hawkeye for a moment and let the story soak in like a sponge to water. Hawkeye moved his hand towards her chin moving it back to her direction. Her skin was smooth and looked light in the twilight of the hall. _

_The music changed and another slow song played. People stood up to start the dance, to have a memorable moment in college. "Would you care to dance with me?" _

_Jackie's eyes flashed in shock at the question, but her smile gave him an answer. She got up and took his hand and the both of them went to the dance floor getting into the dance position looking passionately into one another's eyes. _

_Eyes around the room glared as they slowly moved side to side but the others continued on dancing but their eyes stayed on target. _

_"Don't worry about them," Hawkeye hissed under his breath. "They're just jealous." _

_"Of what?" Jackie whispered. _

_"Of the fact that I'm dancing with the most beautiful woman in the room." _

_Jackie was grateful at the moment that Hawkeye couldn't see her face change to a shade of red. _

_The two continued on dancing as their faces become close. They leaned in and for the first time in the night, both of them kissed dead on the lips feeling nothing but happiness and relief. They knew that they were going to be something, they both felt in within that kiss and their hearts and souls. He knew this. This was the beginning…_

Jackie remembered the first time she met Hawkeye. She remembered the glares and the memory of her cousin and the story that Hawkeye told. It was all depressing, but told their life story. She was strict and cautious of white men because of her cousin's hanging. He was obsessed with saving lives because of his mother death when he was only ten years old. Not old enough to be considered man, but old enough to be considered a child. A young boy who is confused and wondering why his mother left him when he was so young. But, as Jackie thought and so many others, its life and sometimes in life, you don't get what you want and you don't always get the answers you seek. That was her philosophy when there was a down point in her life or an answer she wants doesn't come.

At home, where she was at the moment sprawled on the couch reflecting the memory that was; she opened her eyes, but closed them again. Her daughter was off with her father for the day so she had the whole house to herself for once. No work (which would have been a relief at the moment), no place to go, just sitting, thinking and reminiscing, something the Jacqueline Moon never did. Or never had time to do.

She thought about Hawkeye. His charm and wit that came with the tall man with the eyes the color of ice blue. Those were the reasons why she did go with him for a while. That's also why she wants him again. He was honest with her, didn't care what background she came from, he cared about the person inside; her personality. Hawkeye never criticized her or made her feel sorry or down about herself. He always had a way of bringing her back to life so to say.

It was a weird feeling, a very weird feeling. It was like falling in love all over again. Butterflies filled her empty stomach each time she saw him. Not her husband, but Hawkeye.

The spark between her and Robert was far from gone. Both of them knew that. They argued, and no longer had interest in one another like they did. It was gone; disappeared without a trace like she was. She was a horrible mother and she knew it, everybody could have pointed that out in a second. She would try her best, but it was no use, she just wasn't mother material. She loved Mariah heart and soul, but she deserved a better mother, a better family that is.

Thoughts of this and so much more ran inside her mind. There was no way to stop them. When she got started, she was pumped up for the rest of the evening. She wondered what Hawkeye was doing and if it was possible to take her back. But, would he really leave his wife for her? That's the question the lingered in the unknown mist.


	6. With A Little Help From My Friends

**Chapter 6: With a Little Help From My Friends**

_A/N: Not my best just so ya know, sorry! This is kinda a feel for what is gonna be happening. :D Please review anyway. _

Jackie Moon started up her driveway to only see a note taped to the door. It was late with a chill to the air. Her old habits came back with her working late and bringing her work home. Robert didn't complain just yet. Yet was the keyword that Jackie hoped to keep. Robert had kept his distance and let her work. They had little conversations, talk about the day and of course their daughter, Mariah. Robert knew that Jackie couldn't keep her promise to him. He was just wasting time with that. But inside, he had hoped that maybe she would for him, for Mariah, for herself. It just wasn't possible for her. There was something up with her since she came home all giddy as if something at work sparked her interest. He didn't question it.

Jackie walked up the stairs of their two story house preparing herself for bed. It was a long day and it was going to get longer with the love of her life waiting in bed for an explanation. She wasn't worried about that, but of Hawkeye. Lately, they've been catching up on old times and what was. They were something once and they went through reasons what did happen. They grew apart just like all couples eventually do. Wasn't much, just ordinary stuff.

She reached up the stairs, went off in the bedroom to see Robert sitting up in the bed waiting for her. "Jackie." He called. "We need to talk."

Without a word, she sat next to him and getting ready for what she deserved. "I'm listening."

"Why did you go back to your old ways of working late never coming home to cook dinner or see Mariah, why?"

"I'm sorry Robert, things just get busy—"

"And what, they don't get busy here? I'm liable to lose my job because I can't work extra hours because YOU decide to work late leaving me alone with the kid."

"And what, you hate spending time with your child?"

"No, but I need to get money to RAISE her! You seem to go about like she's not even yours."

"I love Mariah, Robert." Jackie said defensively. "I'm trying to show her that a black woman or any woman for that matter can do anything without being discriminated. I'm showing an example!"

"Do you think that's the only example? Jackie, an example is not only that, but actually being home with her, spending time with her doing right from wrong. She needs a mother, not only a father. And I need a wife." He moved his hand to hold hers tight not wanting to let go. "I need to know that you will be home and be able to spend time with me. I will keep trying to make this work, I love you Jackie, and I don't want to lose you." He came close to her face kissing her neck making Jackie giggle.

"I love you too." Jackie said back. _I think… I think I love you…._

The next morning, Jackie started her schedule early and going to the hospital hoping to see a glimpse of Hawkeye before she had real work. She did. She wanted erase everything at home and be comforted in a hospital where she loved it.

"Jackie, what are you doing in here so early?" Hawkeye questioned as he sat down in an empty chair. His head was leaned back against the wall as his body is slouching in his usual manner.

"I couldn't sleep. My husband and I aren't working out too well." She sat beside him. "I should be asking you the same thing."

"I come here to get away from the wife. We're fine, but sometimes, I need to get away. You know, some people go to the beach and stuff, I come to a hospital. Crazy huh?"

"I don't think so; everyone has a certain place to go. My life is going down like a waterfall."

"Would you like to talk about it?" Hawkeye asked concerned for his friend in ways she'll never know.

"No, no, it's ok." Jackie answered shaking her head side to side. "We'll work it out, we always do. But then again, another side of me says maybe not. I don't think I love him anymore… I mean I still do, but don't. We both love Mariah without question but something apart in me is in the past."

"You mean everything that we've been talking about with us?"

Jackie was hesitant at the question; she didn't want to embarrass herself to say yes. He's married and may never feel the same way, but she'll never know. Instead of an answer from words, she used motions and just nodded.

Hawkeye knew it all along and didn't want to embarrass himself as well. A moment ago, he lied to Jackie by saying he and Margaret are fine. They weren't. Hawkeye was numb around the house, not talking or doing much of anything and becoming more like this as days go by. Margaret was becoming frustrated trying to figure out what she had done wrong or if Hawkeye was having some kind of a relapse breakdown that she didn't know about. Margaret couldn't stand it anymore and arguments began about it. Hawkeye wouldn't talk about what was on his mind: Jackie and once again war memories. That was why he came to work. "I know Jackie."

She looked at him through the icy blue eyes that were a special quality that swoon everyone. Hawkeye did the same thing to her chocolate brown eyes that were so beautiful. Their head leaned closer. Two lonely people in a world of chaos that no one can or will understand. They had problems and were left with the scars that hurt. Both been through hell at least once in their life whether in another country or in their own backyard, they been there and they know.

With one movement, the man and the woman's lips were touching gently with eyes closed, and then turning into a rough but still gentle kiss. Jackie's hands reached Hawkeye's shoulders and his hands went to her hips starting to kiss passionately moaning as they did it. It was like old times again, living in the past of peace and prosper. They didn't stop to question their actions since they knew what will be questioned. _What are they doing? How could we do this? What do we tell our spouses? _Mentally, they knew. For once, they needed this comfort from one another even if it's a sin among all else. Its part of life and anything can happen in life. This was one of them.


	7. They

**Chapter 7: They**

_A/N: Not the best, but getting my feet wet once again and it's short. RIP Nail's father. (Dedicated to beahawk) May he be welcomed in Heaven's arms. I hope everything works out for you. _

Hawkeye Pierce and Jackie Moon let go of each other feeling the tingle upon their lips. They stared at each other for long time thinking, wondering what to do next. Both didn't know if they should feel embarrassed or relief of finally doing that after an amount of time of being separated.

Hawkeye's hand gently stroked Jackie's cheek felling the soft skin that he once remembered. The touch gave her a chill in the spine as she glazed on him with admiration. It was the same feeling years before when they were going together. Jackie welcomed it; she embraced it because for once, she was really truly happy.

"I feel no regret." Jackie whispered after the longing silence. "I feel... I feel happy. For once in a very long time." She smiled as Hawkeye removed his hand.

"Me neither… I just don't know what I feel." Hawkeye said as well. He didn't know if he really meant it, or his subconscious was talking for him. He looked through her at the clock hanging far off on the wall. "I think we should get to work. You know, patients will start to crowd in soon."

Her head turned to look where he was looking. "Yea, I think we should. I got to do surgery today." They got up, looking at each other. Waving goodbye and promising to meet each other afterwards, they headed separate ways.

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"My aren't we quick this morning." Daniel Pierce said as he noticed his son scattering papers all over. "Did something happen this morning that you should tell your old man?" He gave a grin that was becoming famous around Crabapple Cove.

"Huh? No, Dad, nothing." His mind was somewhere else at the moment and the sound of his father's voice wasn't making it any better.

"You sure, Hawk? You seem edgy this morning. Anything wrong?"

"Dad, I'm fine. Why are you a worry wart all of a sudden?"

"Because when a father sees his son actually rushing to do his work, besides other mornings when he just slowly gets started, he worries, that's all."

Hawkeye shot his father a glare. "Don't go motherly on me ok?"

The father backed up hands up in surrender. "Hey, don't blame me. A father has a mother instinct too, especially after your mother died, I got more of that. But if you need to talk about anything, let me know, I'm all ears."

The son gave a nod. "Will do Dad. Gotta get to work."

"Good, so do I. See you at lunch, I suppose."

"Bye Dad." The young man left off to do what he does best, taking care of the people of the community. He didn't know what to do once he got home though which would bug the hell out of him for the rest of the day. Margaret wouldn't really suspect him of anything; to his knowledge but he didn't know what a woman does at home. He wasn't sure what to do now. He really truly wasn't sure what he should do now.

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"What do we have to do today?" Jackie asked briskly walking aside her workmate.

"Not much, there's appendicitis, a gallbladder that's it, plus a lot of appointments in the clinic." She answered matter o-fact.

"That's all?" Jackie sounded disappointed.

"That's all, why the excitement?"

"Need to get my mind on something, a lot of problems in my life now." She said.

"I'm sorry to hear that. How's your daughter, uh, Mariah doing? We sure miss her around here. And how about Robert?"

_I didn't really need that question right now, thanks. _Quietly Jackie thought, but got words to answer her question. "She's fine, spending a lot of time with her father these days." Jackie wasn't up to being polite and just replied curtly. Her workmate heard it and just ignored it.

"Oh. Well, we're fine, thanks for asking, we are getting messed up and don't see each other due to the schedules we both have." She lied.

"That's great; give my regards, you ready for the surgery? Simply as I said. You could probably do it with your eyes closed if you could."

"Yea, as if." Jackie said.

"Come; let's get the show on the road."

Jackie followed, doing a surgery the best she could have no reminder about what happened earlier that day. She felt relief for wanting to do it for so long and yet, she didn't know what Hawkeye was thinking. After all he has been through; she didn't know if this was worst or good for him. And she didn't really want to find out.


	8. Why Can't I?

**Chapter 8: Why Can't I**

_Same day, Pierce Home_

She knew there was something wrong, she sensed it. She wasn't sure what it was, but there was something wrong. She felt foolish worrying about him; after all he was grown up and knows how to be responsible. But that feeling inside her wouldn't let go. It was an instinct; a wife's way of worrying for her husband. Worry-wart in other words.

It wasn't just that, Margaret noticed changes in Hawkeye too. One day he would be happy, the next feeling miserable, and she didn't know what to do. A relapse maybe? Or maybe just tired from work. Call Sidney Freedman? _Nah,_ she would think. _He would just hide everything from the world like he does to me. I don't want to see him like that, looking as if he did something wrong. _She was leaning towards it, but she wasn't definite yet.

She tried to persist that him for a little vacation; just the two of them away from it all. But he would always be defensive using the old excuse: _"I can't Margaret, I've gotta work." _

_"But Hawkeye," _she would argue._ "You've been working hard lately, They have plenty of people there to work, and they would be more than happy to give you the time off." _

He would take a deep breath of frustration at this point. _"I have to work; I'm sorry dear truely I am, maybe next month."_

_"But you always say that!" _she would protest. _"Why can't we go?" _She would go hold him, but he would only push away.

_"Margaret, please! It's not an easy world out there, I... I HAVE to go to work you wouldn't understand my reasoning. I promise you, next month. _Hawkeye would always say. At this point, he would lift her chin and match her eyes with his in a sympathy way. Lightly, his lips would press against hers. _"I promise."_ He would repeat again letting go.

Next month would come and they would have the same discussion all over again. She always worried. That was her problem.

She sighed, pacing back and forth in their backyard wanting to do something, go anyplace away from here for a while. The sun was bright bringing heat down onto Margaret's back; she felt relieved and closed her eyes once more for this was comfort. She opened them again, facing reality once more. So, as a good wife would, Margaret Houlihan-Pierce stuck by her husband's side and backed his decision up, since there was no point in arguing with him, lately she would always loose.

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A man should know his wife. A man should put his foot down when his wife gets out of line, but never to hit her or beat her. In belief, that was a sign of weakness. But to tell who is in charge of the household and who makes the money, it would be the man, in some people's opinion.

Robert worked hard at his construction job, he has been somewhat off, but that wasn't his fault. It was the fact of life, work was just slow at the moment. He would rise to the top again, there will be roads, buildings or anything that would need fixing again; he believed that.

Sitting in the backyard, he watched his daughter having a good time on the slid he got her. His job wasn't well paid, but he still was able to provide for his home, his family. Mariah gave a short wave to the father as he did the same in return smiling at his beautiful daughter who had the splitting image of her mother in every possible way.

Jackie, the last thing Robert wanted on his mind. She's changed so much since they'd married; it felt as if they were not continuing to fall in love, but out of love. People did that all the time, fall out of love, but Robert never knew that it could happen to him. He and Jackie were different, once upon a time. Once upon a time they were in love, vowed to be together forever until the end of time. Now, that became nothing but a dream, that's just disappearing before his eyes.

He thought of leaving, he thought of it so many times. But something always held him back. One thing kept gnawing him like a lion had him stay. He wasn't even sure what it was anymore, and didn't even bother to go looking for it.

Robert knew one thing: Jackie was an independent woman, she was headstrong and had a lot of ambitions in her life, she's always like that, ever since he had known her but he thought it would have slowed down just a little and she could raise a family. That never happened; it was because she was trying to prove a point. A point for all women of every minority who has been discriminated that they could do anything as well as a man; to keep a career. And Jackie wasn't going to stop until she got that point across. He knew his wife, like every man should.

Her admiration will be recognized one day, but Robert wasn't sure how long he would stick around in order to see it happen.

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Robert was once in love, not anymore. His love was alive, but now it was disappearing right in front of him.

Margaret is in love just waiting for her soldier to come home once again, in her mind, her love is still alive.

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_Crabapple Cove General Hospital: Lunch Hour_

"Hawkeye?" Jackie asked with her hands into his across the table.

"Yes, Jackie?" Hawkeye answered gripping her hands.

"What do we do now?"

"You know, Jackie, I have been wondering that since we started this whole thing." He responded solemnly. Both then continued on to get some food and eat in silence thinking of what to do now.


	9. Heartless

**Chapter 9: Heartless**

_A/N: Thank you all for the wonderful reviews!! I am so surprised to see this story so well received that it makes me so happy to write it! (And keeps me motivated):D Thank you, thank you! Some lyrics from "Heartless" by Kanye West is in this one. Thank you again!! :D_

It lasted days. Eventually, the days passed into weeks. The weeks then passed into months. Luckily, those months didn't pass into years… yet. The affair was what happened, there was no one oblivious to it at the hospital that is. The spouses have their suspicions. This is why Robert is packing his suitcase.

He knew all along, that was why she worked so late, went to work so early, and he found out from people in town who were snickering about him as he walked by. He had enough; he tried reasoning with her, now he is leaving.

Sprawled out on the bed, the suitcase laid and he scurried into the closet collecting anything that was in his possession. _Go ahead, have an affair, Jackie. Go ahead and not tell me, how's that? You have this affair, while I cross the country. Have your affair, Jacqueline; just keep me out of it! _Many thoughts like this one rolled on and on in his head with no regret at all. He continued on with the rest of his belongings deciding that Mariah was to stay here with her mother, where she belonged. _Its Jackie's responsibility now for her child needs her. Let's see how she feels being left alone. _

Minutes passed and he was about set to go. He took one last look around the bedroom remembering the good times he had in here, in this house period. It was nothing but a memory now. Before he left, he decided to write a note; Mariah was at her friend's house so it should be ok.

He left the note on her desk, knowing that she would go there immediately. Mariah would be dropped back home later on in the evening. He then took the suitcase, and headed out the door not looking back.

_In the night, I hear them talk the coldest story ever told. Somewhere far along this road, he lost his soul. To a woman so heartless, how could you be so heartless? _

_Later That Evening_

Jackie with Mariah walked through the door. Her daughter ran around the house releasing the extra amount of energy she had left. Jackie went upstairs to her den to escape the child noticing that Robert must be at a bar or something coming home soon enough.

She sat in her leatherbound chair, elbows on the brown olden desk, and head in hands looking down noticing a small piece of paper the writing scribbled on.

_Jackie,_ it began. _Go ahead and have your affair, have it without me. I will not be waiting at your feet until you give up. I'm not like that; I'm not a doormat for you to step on. You have Mariah, and I will come and sign papers of divorce. Keep it quiet, please? I don't want the whole town coming to find me for an explanation. Goodbye, Jackie._

She was speechless. Completely speechless. But not surprised.

But it was, and her worst nightmare, was turning into her reality. She still loved Robert; he was the father of their child. Now she was going to be a single mother fighting to have a career. Now it was just being blown in her face, like all things do when they go bad.

Putting the note down on the same spot, she quietly sits staring straight on with no feeling, or sign of regret of what she has put herself through.

_Talkin', talkin', talkin', talk. Baby let's just knock it off. They don't know what we been through. They don't know 'bout me and you. So I got something new to see and you just gonna' keep hatin' me and we just gonna be enemies. _

Silently, she walked through the house, unable to sleep with the demons wandering through her mind. Taunting her, cheating her, telling her what is right and wrong. The demons took over her head, telling her the possibilities of what was going on right now. She tried not to listen, tried blocking it out, but it was no use; the voices would grow louder and louder like a beating drum until she would give in.

The voices grow worse each day she is near him mostly about Hawkeye, since everyday he hides something from her each day. But what Hawkeye didn't know was that Margaret knew about his now affair.

It explained many things to her, the late night job, waking up early in the morning, the guilt expression on his face every day, the reason why he couldn't look in the face. But she wasn't going to mention anything.

She loved him too much to let him go. She was hurt before, yes, but she's been through hell to get with Hawkeye. She vows quietly to herself that she will see where this goes. If nothing looks like it will progress, then she will just cross that bridge when it comes to that point.

Now, with this going on, she felt alone and cold. She was going to have to get use to that. She had a long wait to for that one. And Margaret wasn't sure if she would have the patience.

She walks back to the bedroom, watching her husband sleeping soundly each day. "Come back to me soon, love." She whispers. "I miss you."

With that being said, she walks out feeling the temptation of the demons rising up in her mind once more. Something that she couldn't fight for the world.

_In the night I hear them talk the coldest story ever told. Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul to a woman so heartless. _


	10. Free to Be You and Me

**Chapter 10: Free to Be…You and Me**

**2 years later**

Everyday, Hawkeye and Jackie would see each other, nothing stopped them. Not even Jackie's tough divorce, instead Hawkeye was always there for her. It would never stop. He staged himself through by meeting Mariah, Jackie's daughter but since it was still hard for him to deal with children, even her age, he would make sure he wouldn't get too attached. Mariah sensed that he stayed away, and it didn't bother her. Her father already was gone, so this guy didn't want to take his place. When she did see them, she would refer to him as "Uncle Hawkeye, Mommy's best friend." Course, she didn't say the 'best friend' part, which was just what her mother told her who he was.

Mariah realized that after some time her father wasn't coming back. She was five now, but she didn't need anybody telling her he wasn't coming back into her life. Her mother would promise over and over again that he would come back soon, but after months of waiting, there was no hope. Her father did write her, giving her some pictures too him also promising that he would be back soon. The thing was: he no longer lived in Crabapple Cove, but in another part of Maine.

She didn't know what was going on with her parents; all she knew was that they were in a big fight. Especially at her age, she wouldn't know the meaning of the word 'divorce'. Mariah just knew that her parents didn't want to see each other, just like any other fight. Nothing more, nothing less. But the scars she will face in that mist, will last forever...

"Hawkeye? "Jackie asked in her soothed voice as she nibbled on Hawkeye's neck in the resting area.

"Yo," Hawkeye answered, his arms around her little waist kissing her back as well.

"How much do you love me?" She paused, looking up at his blue beauty eyes. "What I mean is do you love me like you did all those years ago?"

He didn't know how to answer, either answer would be wrong. He and Jackie loved each at one point but then again, Margaret was his main woman. So why was he doing this? Affection? Desire? Frustration? "Jackie," He managed to let out. "We need to talk."

"Damn!" she muttered under her breath looking at the time on his wrist. "Can we talk later, Hawk, I gotta shift to do. I'm taking Mariah to the park later so why don't you meet us at about…. Four?"

Hawkeye had to think for a moment thinking if he had to work late. "That'll be fine. I'll meet you there."

Giving him one last peck at the cheek she said, "I'll see you later." With that she ran off. Hawkeye gave a short wave.

Slowly, he trudged along to his day ahead of him. He wished he could talk to Jackie now, he needed too; he was about to break it off with her. It has been long enough, now he realized two years later. He missed his wife. He missed her, no scientific theory, he just needed his wife. He never understood why he did this in the first place: pity, closure, anything could explain it, but not Hawkeye. He loved Jackie, as a good friend, but never as a lover. Jackie on the other hand, loved him as a lover, and wanted to stay with him. He couldn't do that. He couldn't do that now. He realized a mistake he just made.

Scanning through the hospital doors, he looked around, seeing who's who as they greeted him in the hallway with the routine 'good mornings' and 'how ya doings?'

"Well, look who's out and about this morning," His father saying as he walked towards him. "Are you ready for today?" He asked. Meaning, that for once, Hawkeye Pierce was ready to go back into the operating room.

His son nodded his head in response. For once, he wasn't nervous, but ready for it. He needed this.

Daniel Pierce noticed something was wrong. "What's wrong, son? Surgery getting under your skin?" He cocked his head to the side studying his son's facial expressions trying to read them. It was a common thing to do to a son.

All Hawkeye did was shake his head. "It has nothing to do with the surgery, Dad."

"Then what?" He prop his head back up, crossing his arms across his chest.

Hawkeye just kept shaking his head: "Nothing, Dad."

"It's this Jackie thing isn't it?" Daniel knew, like everyone else knew. He wasn't blind to love. "You ready to go back to your wife, aren't you, son?"

"Yea, Dad, I am. I didn't think you would know. Did you tell Margaret?"

"Hawk, I've been in this world for a very long time. I know when to keep my mouth shut and when to blab it onto the world. You and Jackie is between you and Jackie. You and Margaret, is between you and Margaret. That's not involving me. There are some things in this world where you don't bother asking. One of them is true love. You love Margaret, but you also love Jackie. The choice is yours, Hawkeye. I can't make it for you even if you tried. That's a time where a real man decides who means the world to him."

His son considered the words which helped him with his choice. It was clearer now. He knew what to do.

"Thanks, Dad." Hawkeye added grateful for the advice. The older man just patted his son's back for encouragement and continued on with his work.

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He scrubbed for surgery, under nails, right on palms, fingers, knuckles. All of it. A nurse assisted him. He walked into the operating room, going to stand by his patient. He looked down at him, taking a deep breath studying the area that he needed to do.

Hawkeye glanced up at the light saying a silent pray to God to get him through this in one piece. His breath came out slow; the anesthesia was given to the patient. "Scalpel," he ordered, the nurse obliged. The surgery was only beginning.

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**4:00 the Town Park**

"Can I go play, Mommy?" Mariah asked. She knew that Uncle Hawkeye was going to be her and she wasn't sure if they were going someplace else for the evening.

"Of course, silly girl, that's why I brought you here. Have a good time." The girl skipped her way to the playground where Jackie sat on a bench. She was wearing her best dark blue dress with blue shoes to match. It was her favorite outfit. She smoothed out her dress as her ankles crossed; she kept smoothing her dress since she didn't know what else to do with her hands. She would quickly look at her dress to make sure there was nothing on there. She was clean as a whistle.

Hawkeye came. He always came. He sat by her and she hugged him tightly. "I'm glad you made it."

He grinned. "You know I would come."

"I was scared at first. What was it you want to talk about?"

There was an unusual pause. Hawkeye didn't really plan on how he was going to say this, so he obviously had to wing it like he always did.

"We need to talk." Those four words got Jackie's attention. "I don't know exactly how to put this so you'll have to bear with me. We've been together for two years now… and I came to realization. I'm married. I'm a married man to a most beautiful woman. I'm betraying her everyday and she doesn't even know it. I regret all of this. I should have realized this sooner, but I was too blind, but now I see. I see clearly. I don't want to do this to her anymore. I don't want this; I don't want you. I'm sorry Jackie. You're my friend and my friend alone."

Shock filled the woman's face. Disgrace was her name. This couldn't be happening, he was the love of her life and now he was leaving?? No one could possibly leave Jackie. It was impossible. She was already left by someone, and has a child. Why this? Why now? "You can't! Please, Hawkeye, you're all that I have left."

"Jackie, "He started to stand up, she grabbed his arm.

"No, you can't. I have nobody. I have nobody!" Her happy eyes were now forming tears that went down her cheeks like rain. "This can't be happening!"

Hawkeye gripped her shoulders helping her to stay calm. "No, listen to me! I'm sorry, but I'm going back to Margaret. Goodbye, Jackie." He let go, storming off the direction he came.

Jackie stood there, stunned at what just happened. The love of her life left her; the one true love of her life had just left her. Tears continued to fall, rapidly like a river. Her head down figuring out what she did wrong. She turned to her daughter playing on the set, but she wasn't playing. Mariah was watching her mother's hot tears and angry face look at her. Uncle Hawkeye was gone.

He walked through the threshold. His face was triumphant with victory. He was free of the guilt and it showed. Hawkeye Pierce felt a weight off his shoulders from Jackie and was ready for someone who really mattered.

Margaret walked in, noticing that face. She hadn't seen that face in a very, very long time. She loved that face.

He approached her, embracing her in a warm hug smelling her sweet perfume. Margaret knew it was over. All she said was, "Welcome home."


	11. Cut

**Chapter 11: Cut**

_A/N: A shorty, folks. :D Oh, and this is where parts of "Grey's Anatomy" comes in, there will be more. I do not own it. _

Jackie Moon briskly walked home dragging Mariah right behind her gripping her hand.

"Mommy, I'm not done playing!" the young girl squealed.

The mother turned her head to the child, as if looking through a mirror since the girl looked like her. "I don't care! We're going home now!" She screamed.

"What happened to Uncle Hawkeye?"

The woman gritted her teeth ignoring the question. She didn't even want to think what Hawkeye has done to her. After everything she has given him, this is how he repays it. Well not any longer. She just lost the love of her life and she lost the father of her child. Her life is ruined. The tears blinked away in her eyes.

As they approached their two story house, Jackie let go of her daughter's hand heading to her office to weep in peace. The last thing she needed was her daughter looking at her. She was a Moon, she should stick through this; she was a tough woman and her growing up showed that. It would take more than a man to make Jacqueline Ann Moon cry. But it didn't.

Love was worth everything to cry for. Love is a delicate thing that must be handled with care. But if someone doesn't handle it with care, there will be consequences to pay. This was one of them. And now the punishment begins.

Sobbing as loud as she could through her arms since her arms were crossed over on the desk, it still attracted her daughter to come into the room. Gently the girl knocked on the door. "Mommy?"

She looked up, being a fright to her daughter, the sobs had her eyes bloodshot and her makeup that she put on before the trip to the park was ruined. Her hair was still in a messy bun and the strains of hair dangling were far worse than before. Mariah managed not the scream, but it was hard to since she'd never seen her mother like this.

"Not now, Mariah!" Jackie replied frustrated.

"But Mom—"

"Get out! Please, Mariah, leave Mommy alone for a little while. I'll be down soon."

Mariah nodded obeying her mother's wish and stepped out.

Walking down the stairs, she realized she'd never seen her mother act like this. What did Uncle Hawkeye do to her mom? Or what did her mom do to Uncle Hawkeye? When her father left them, Jackie didn't cry for him, in fact, she had no feeling at all. So what made Uncle Hawkeye worth crying about? Mariah didn't know now, she would know later on in life, though…. And the impact will be severe.

Hours passed by and Jackie eventually came down stairs finding her daughter watching TV. She didn't hear her, but passed through to get to the kitchen.

She needed a drink. A good, hard drink to wash this sorrow away. She hadn't drunk in a while, nothing strong at least but at the moment, she needed something anything would do.

Getting a step-stool to get to the top shelf, Jackie noticed a knife on the table. Before her foot reached the first step, she had an idea; and it would involve a knife. She took it, studying it for a moment. It's shining sliver and semi sharp blade and the cleanness of it. She had an idea, this would help her.

Jackie slump her body onto the cold tile kitchen floor calling Mariah in from the living room and her favorite TV show. Mariah noticed her mother on the floor as she entered the kitchen and came to join her. She figured it was a game so Mariah was ready to play along.

Her mother caressed her hair, and then caressed her face with her cool hands. Jackie's hand stopped at her chin and directed Mariah to face her. "Baby girl I want you to listen to every word I am about to say."

"Ok, Mommy."

"Alrighty then. Now, when you see me on the floor… lying on the floor is more like it with my eyes closed and barely breathing or moving I want you to call 911. You remember what to say to them, right?"

"Sure. Tell them what happened, and you're address. Almost everybody knows that."

"You are a smart girl. But, Mariah, I do not want you to call a minute sooner. Do you understand me?" Her tired but forceful eyes locked into Mariah's.

"Yes, Mommy." The girl answered obediently. She wasn't sure what to expect, but it wasn't going to be something good, that's for sure. Something inside her told her that her mother was about to get hurt.

"I also want you to do one more thing for me." Jackie added and Mariah's attention was once again on hers. "I want you to be extraordinary, Mariah. I certainly have failed, but I want you to be extraordinary. Be an extraordinary woman, Mariah." She turned to the knife and her wrists.

Jackie was mentally preparing herself. Mariah was mesmerized by the knife. Her eyes couldn't get off it. She was debating whether or to close her eyes. She decided not to.

Taking a deep breath, Jackie Moon touched the blade to her wrists and made a quick jab movement across. The cut was deep, and blood started to run out. Before losing feeling in that wrist, she took the knife and sliced the other one. She did this multiple times until she was good and satisfied. She finally stopped, and let her blood do the work.

Mariah saw her mother's blood which was now leaking on the floor and started to spread on the tiles in front of him. The sight was a little surprise to Mariah. She'd seen blood before; but the thing was she hasn't seen her mother's blood before and the sight was frightening. She could run away, but she was too frightened to move a muscle. Her legs were paralyzed with fright.

Not being able to do anything until she fainted, all Mariah could do was watch like it was a nightmare.

The room was in silence. Even the TV to Mariah was suddenly silent.

A few minutes pass and the puddle of blood on the floor was already huge. Jackie and Mariah just sat. The resembled mother and daughter just sat. The smell of it filled their noses. They paid no mind since the Moon women were used to it.

When enough blood had finally come out, Jackie finally was pale and fainted on the floor which her daughter had just witnessed. She was helpless; Mariah observed lying there in her dark blue surgical scrubs.

As directed, Mariah grabbed the phone and dialed 911 giving them the details they needed like she was taught at home and school. She looked down at her mother, but noticed that she was also filled with the blood.

Mariah prayed in her mind that her mother would live and be ok afterwards and hopefully forget all of this, but mostly, she prayed that she would eventually find out what was the matter. She had a feeling that it had something to do with Hawkeye Pierce, but she couldn't be so sure. She sighed and stared at her mother's pale body and her closed eyes. The last thing she prayed for was that she wouldn't end up like her when she was an adult.

Ignoring that, Mariah realized that now there was nothing to do but to wait for the ambulance and sit in a pool of blood.


	12. Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds

**Chapter 12: Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds**

_At some point you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out; they fence you in. Life is messy, that's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross. Here's what I know, If you're willing to take a chance, the view from the other side is spectacular.--_Meredith Grey season 1 ep. 2 "The First Cut is the Deepest"

**23 Years Later, Crabapple Cove General Hospital**

A slender five foot five woman with dark brown eyes, expressive thin face and raven black hair wearing her white jacket walked down the corridors of the hospital. The hospital was a second home to her compared to the first one; a two story building where her mother and her used to retire in.

Dr. Mariah Moon, age 29 walked through the same halls her mother had once walked through. For some odd reason, it felt that where ever she went, her mother was in every inch of this hospital. Not a single room is peaceful, but a reminder of what was and what will always be. Nothing changed, well except the faces and technology for any surgery and many more new patients. That goes without saying. She was like her mother in every aspect and many people looked at her as if she would follow her footsteps one day. What a miracle would it be if two medical geniuses came from the same family especially a mother and a daughter that would define time. A person in the family has already accomplished that, but the daughter wasn't willing. She had no desire.

After the incident when Dr. Jacqueline Moon and the breakup of her love affair, the two family members moved to Boston, Massachusetts and Jackie landed a residence at Boston General coming up with a new method that defined surgery, called the "Moon Effect". There, once again praised for being a woman in charge and coming up with that, it was in magazines for weeks on end. Throughout the move, Mariah never again hear from her father after the bitter divorce. She was unwanted.

She was a shadow of her and people expect her to do the same as her mother; it wasn't going to happen. She's her own woman and she was going to do just as she pleased. She managed to graduate from Dartmouth College in New Hampshire despite the excessive drinking and partying. Of course she had a difficult time keeping a job do to her partying. Jackie pointed the direction of medical school for her daughter but saying to her she wouldn't have what it takes to be a good surgeon. They both argued, which they both did all the time about the ambition in young Mariah's life. Mariah ended up going to Europe for two months with her closest friend.

As she came back her mother was diagnosis with early on-set Alzheimer's disease. This got Mariah into medical school. She completed it, and here she was an intern, as her mother sits in a nursing home responsible for Jackie's affairs. From time to time, she would visit, but the elder woman didn't reconginze her half the time, so there was no point, but since her mother alienated everybody in her life; somebody had to visit. Aside from that; when lucid years back, Jackie made Mariah promise to not tell anyone that she was ill. Mariah has kept that promise.

Of course moving back to Crabapple Cove wasn't the smartest thing in the world. For one, she'll have to face the many people of her mother's past. For another: the ex-lover of Jackie Moon was now head of surgery and the hospital. In other words: he was her boss. That wouldn't work very well with Mariah.

Hawkeye Pierce was the one who broke off her parent's marriage and in the end leaves her for his own wife, Mrs. Margaret Houlihan-Pierce. Once or twice Mariah's seen her, her platinum blond hair and blue eyes along with her attractive face an attitude for anyone that was going to give her a hard time. She'd seen Margaret in her reign of fury and she was good at getting her way. Mariah was sure that Mrs. Pierce knows who she is too, so Mariah tries to avoid her at all costs. She didn't need the fury of an angry wife for an affair that happened a good 20 something years ago.

When Hawkeye found out that Mariah was an intern, he was surprised and yet excited. Surprised that they would come back, excited to see his ex-love affair's daughter taking her mother's footsteps. It has been years since he'd seen her and her mother due to the lack of communication. It didn't surprise him that that happened. But over the many years, Jackie had been on his mind, just the usual; wondering if she was living alright and how she is doing. They would quickly fade away as he remembered what was really important in his life: Margaret. Not many words were spoken between him or of Mariah. There wasn't much to say; she hadn't seen him since she was five years old at the park that day. Mariah never forgot that day; after that day, her mother was cold to her showing no affection no matter how hard she'd tried.

It didn't matter to Mariah; she was used to it. It didn't bother her any. She didn't need sympathy from her comrades and the new friends she was making. She didn't need sympathy from the doctors or the new psychiatrist in the building who happened to be Hawkeye Pierce's old buddy from the Korean War a Dr. Sidney Freedman. He and Margaret had been seeing him lately talking about building their marriage up yet again due to some fight or something like that. Mariah didn't get it, their marriage rebuilt after Jackie and her left, what is there to rebuild? It didn't matter, as long as her name didn't come up, she didn't have a problem. Although, sometimes Hawkeye did sometimes speak alone to Dr. Freedman and the doctor would eye Mariah here and there. It didn't matter to her, after all she didn't do anything wrong. She didn't set up the affair. She had a clear mind, she didn't have any problems, not for the world.

No one was to set sympathy for her; she didn't need it that would be the last thing she needed, a person crying over her as if she didn't have her plate full already.

No matter, she continued walking these halls going to patient to patient checking up on them along with the residents.

"Dr. Moon, might I say that was an excellent thorough check up." Dr. Lincoln Forest complimented. He was a medium height African American with a little goatee growing and a smooth personality. He was the head of neurosurgery and all the girls eyes were on him, but he only eyed one woman: Mariah.

He and Mariah had a one night stand a week ago due to the drunkenness of Mariah on tequila. Mariah is a somewhat alcoholic. And it was her first week on the job. She was late, but her emotions for Lincoln were another. They would make out later when no one was looking, but right now; professional standard.

Showing all her white teeth, she smiled a huge smile bushing a bit. "Thank you, Dr. Forrest."

"I suppose you watched from the best." His smiled started to show. "Your mother, I presume has taught you some techniques or two. She was really a great woman around her, so I heard," His smile was still there remembering the stories he had heard of his girl's mother. He hoped she would feel pleased.

The smile off the woman's face dropped and a mutter of "yes," left her lips. She ignored it in her mind, she didn't like mentioning her mother very much_. _

The man had to leave, telling Mariah he had a surgery to do. That was fine, she had to do some other things too, so it wasn't all bad, they would see each other in the cafeteria soon enough.

She walked to her next area, walking on the opposite side of the hall was Hawkeye. Her dark eyes just kept ahead, her posture as perfect as can be.

"Hi, Mariah." He greeted looking into what seemed like her mother's eyes. She was definitely a beautiful young woman. She had grown into a wonderful young woman. Hawkeye kept forgetting that she wasn't a little girl anymore; she remembered seeing her once in a while here and there, but not anymore. Mariah Isabella Moon was a woman.

Her head went low, and she also mumbled a hello and went on her way. She didn't have time for chit-chat. She didn't have time for a lot of things anymore. Becoming a surgeon is important; no one can afford to miss a mark or mess up.

Hawkeye watched her go hoping to see great things from her one day. At that moment; he swore to himself that Jacqueline Ann Moon was back.


	13. I'm Only Sleeping

**Chapter 13: I'm Only Sleeping **

"How in hell did you end up a date with perhaps the cutest doctor here?" Another woman asked Mariah as they stopped in the hallway. This girl happened to be her friend. Both were going to their designated areas, separate as always, but decided to gossip for five minutes before heading to a full day's work. They wouldn't be missed; it was a small town.

"Just lucky, I guess." Mariah shrugged as she told her friend Samantha what had happened, with the upcoming date. Samantha was a white girl, a little heavy with chunky cheeks and has light brown hair. Her eyes were a shocking blue and her complexion was pale as a ghost. "Besides, I was drunk, nothing to it; you know how those things work out. Especially with me and tequila. I didn't even know he worked here and out of the blue he asked me on a date."

Samantha nodded then changed the topic. "Where are you stationed at today?"

"The pit." Roll of eyes. The pit was another word for clinic. Not many interesting cases happened in the clinic which is why they called it a pit; full of nothingness. Usually it was a broken leg, or an sprain or cut, nothing worth wild.

"That's too bad; I'm working with some surgery today. But then again, it's not a big deal either. Most of them are procedures after all, believe me, it can get boring. Course, I can't lead it on my own but I'm supposed to observe."

"I rather be doing that, then the pit, the pit sucks. Why did the resident assign me that? There's gotta be another soul out there willing to do it. And before you say it, I'm not that wiling soul."

"Hey, sure you are, you're just not feeling up to it. This is a small town; the pit is where the action takes place. But, if we were in the big cities like Chicago, or New York, the biggest cases would come in like car accidents! Then me and you would be living the big life" Samantha chuckled for a moment imagining it for a split second and then paused. "So, any luck with you and the big cheese?" She referred to Dr. Pierce. Out of everyone else, Samantha was the only one who knew what happened between Mariah's mother and the boss and the reasons for Mariah staying back from Dr. Pierce: she didn't want to hear about her mother, which Mariah was sure was going to happen. But Samantha didn't know that her mother had Alzheimer's Disease. Mariah didn't reveal that to anyone.

"Nope, I saw him this morning, but all I had to do was mumble a 'hello' and left."

"I see what you mean. You know, you're gonna have to talk to him sooner or later."

Mariah's bewildered eyes stared at Samantha's face. "What do you mean?"

"Professional wise, I mean. You will have to do that sooner or later. He's not a bad man, Mariah. He seems pleasant. He was like us way back when, except he was kinda a joker, you know sorta like a class clown. He's a pretty cool guy. You should give him a chance."

"I know that. I mean, when I was little, I liked him a lot. Then later on in my so called life, I find out that he was the reason why I never heard from my father again. I mean, that is practically why we left Crabapple Cove in the first place, and even then, my mother was unhappy. In my eyes, he's the man who ruined my mother. He's the bad guy, but not the bad guy. That doesn't even make sense, but in my mind, it does."

"You've told me." Samantha replied. "All I'm saying is one of these days, you're gonna have to talk to him. Maybe he has a side---"

"No!" Mariah interrupted. "That would be the last thing I need, another side of the story. I don't need it. Dr. Pierce can do what he wants, believe what he wants, I don't care! I don't need another side, besides; I know Mom wouldn't lie about that."

"I'm sorry!" Samantha said immediately. "I was just sayin'."

"I know." Mariah breathed calmer than she was a minute ago. "Sometimes it just gets to me; I didn't mean to snap at you like that. I should be the one apologizing."

"It's cool. We should get going; I'll catch up with you tonight?"

"Yea, I'll see you there." Mariah answered walking off in the opposite direction of Samantha. "Hell, here I come." She muttered under her breath bracing herself for all day boredom.

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"Sidney, I'm telling you as soon as she was walking down the hallway, it was as if she was her mother again." Hawkeye Pierce splattered in his office as Sidney Freedman came in. "The gleam was around her and the determined face that I saw a little of before she put her head down."

"Is that a good thing?" The psychiatrist asked.

Hawkeye sat down in his seat wondering what to do. "I don't know, I could say yes, but I cold say no, since everyone in this whole town except my wife knows what happened. All I know is that she's not going to talk to me."

"She'll talk to you. She's just not ready to open up yet. You must remember, she remembers what happened between you and her mother, it's not a secret to her. Obviously, her mind sees it that you ruined her parents' marriage."

"But I didn't ruin—"

Sidney put his hand up mid sentence. "I know you didn't, but she was what, five when you two broke the affair?" The chief nodded. "She doesn't know that, she probably doesn't want to know. After all, as you just pointed out, the whole hospital knows about what went on between you and Jackie. Mariah may just know that you'll bring up that subject too, which is obviously a touchy topic for her."

"You sure about that?"

"Sure. Why not? I've watched her and noticed eyes on her as if she'll do the same thing in a heartbeat, but she walks on. She's a very brave young woman who's in fact in medical terms been through hell and she manages to get up every morning. Most people in her situation would be suicidal or already dead. She doesn't seem to be."

Hawkeye took those words into consideration. "So what do I wait, or do I start it?"

The curly haired man crossed his arms, brown eyes level to Hawkeye's ice blue. "You're going to have to wait."

"Alright then I'll wait no surprise there. " A grin came across his face. "You know this conversation doesn't get word to Margaret."

"Of course, but it's also part of doctor-patient confidential. It wouldn't get out to her anyway."

"Good. Thank God for that." Glancing at the clock and back at Sidney again, he suggested, "You should be going; you may have a lot on your plate today."

"Not really, but I'll go anyway, you'll have a busy day today."

"Oh, you bet. Being boss means you actually have responsibilities. And since I'm much older than I was back at the 4077th, I, Hawkeye Pierce am actually taking these responsibilities more seriously. At a MASH unit, I had alcohol to keep me going day by day, but not here, can't have it here. Because if I don't then I'll have to get my butt in court." A grin came onto his pretty face.

Sidney laughed a bit, and then left with a wave closing the door behind him. The boss relaxed in his office with his feet up on his oak desk as he watched out the window as the sun was starting to rise in its peak.

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After a long and predicted day of boredom, Mariah went to the nursing home to where her mother was at. Course, her mother wouldn't recognize her, but she needed to go. She had to go.

She checked in and went to see her mother. She never looked different. Her hair had more silver to it and she had wrinkles on her face and of course the memory was gone. Mariah was sometimes recognized by Jackie, but only as a little girl but that was once in a while, half the time she wasn't recognized. She was only somebody who "reminded her of her daughter." Mariah, of course didn't care.

"Hey, Mom," Mariah greeted her mother giving her a kiss and sitting by her side noticing that she was crying, another flashback.

"I couldn't stay with him. I don't care that he's Mariah's father… I just couldn't take it!" She rambled on as she got up and paced back and forth. Mariah just sat there, watching, stunned at how her mother had deteriorated over the years. She used to be active especially at the hospital; she had a sharp mind and knew how to use it. She could do a surgery with her eyes closed if she was allowed. Jackie Moon was no stranger to the human anatomy. Even with help as a child with homework, Jackie was able to do any problem in her head in the blink of an eye. She was always bright, and she always showed it. Now, she can't even change herself in the morning. "And… and Hawkeye and he…he…" At this point, Jacqueline Moon just cried as she continued to pace. She looked like she was going to have a breakdown.

Mariah debated what to do. She never really seen her mother cry before, not that she remembers, but still, her mother was crying. When she was a little girl, her mother would give her a little hug when she cried. Should she do the same in return?She got up and went in front of her mother. At first, she struggled, trying to break free but then, Mariah calmed her down and gave her a hug. Jackie was shocked and didn't know what to do.

"Mariah…" She whispered after a few minutes or so and embraced her back as well, hesitant at first. It was her daughter. This was here daughter.

"Mommy…"


	14. Octopus's Garden

**Chapter 14: Octopus's Garden**

She looked at her reflection in the mirror, debating which dress to wear in both of her hands. A blue strapless glittering dress or the red simple spaghetti strapped dress. She put one dress in front of her thinking which one to wear, which one showed off her complexion. Margaret sighed, she wanted to look her best tonight since her and Hawkeye were to go out to a finest restaurant tonight as soon as he came home.

For twenty minutes, she debated between the two dresses finally deciding on the red one. Red was her favorite color and it gave her life. She wanted to look her best tonight, it wasn't an option. It was a must. She had red high heels to match too, so it was perfect.

Margaret had time before she actually needed to get ready, but it made more sense to choose exactly what she was going to wear now so she wouldn't waste time when Hawkeye came home. She was eager for tonight, it's been a while since she and Hawkeye had some alone time together. He needed the break, since it's been overcrowded in the small town surprisingly. He's been quiet, and solemnly spoke of work, it's alright, he was usually like that, but Margaret didn't mind. Hawkeye did mention a name that hasn't been mentioned in years: Moon. She would hear him mumbling to himself about a Mariah Moon, not the Jackie Moon but a Mariah. Daughter? Perhaps. To Hawkeye, Margaret was oblivious to the whole affair but that didn't mean she was oblivious to the great Jackie Moon.

She sighed, walking around the house with her mind rambling on. She tried to find something to do. Hawkeye would be home within the hour or so. She decided quickly that she should shower and at least be nice and clean for Hawkeye in case they came home late. It made sense.

Off she went to the lining closet to prepare for a luscious shower. Thinking about it, Margaret decided that she deserved a nice shower. The warm water against her back would do her some good; it would ease her nerve and calm her slightly. So she went into the bathroom got the water running and was going to enjoy her shower.

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"Yo, Mariah where were you last night, didn't get in till late?" Samantha asked Mariah as they were dismissed from their work walking in the parking lot of Crabapple Cove General Hospital.

"Umm… I had to do something, sorry to keep you waiting." Mariah answered quickly. It was the only lie she could think of at the moment. She did want to say to see her mother at her nursing home, which is what she told Samantha, but she didn't want to get into much detail. It was enough to actually see her mother burst into tears before her eyes about her father, and Dr. Hawkeye Pierce. Mariah never remembered her mother breaking down like that so she stayed there with her until late just to make sure she was going to be ok. And for once, Jackie Moon didn't mind one bit.

"Eh, don't worry about it. I was too exhausted to do anything anyway. They're killing us in there. For doing nothing, you know. But, hey, all I did was lay back, eat ice cream and went to bed."

"At least you found something to do."

"Yea, well, I suppose. So, when are you and cutie going out?"

"Huh?" Mariah's eyes lit up by the mention of Mr. Cutie, but she wasn't paying attention.

"Don't you 'huh' me. When are you and Lincoln goin' on another date? You need a break, girl."

"A break from what??? Nothing happens here! It's like an octopus's garden in the shade."

"What are you, quoting Beatle songs now?"

"Well, it's true! I mean look at this place! It's quiet and peaceful like the octopus's garden Ringo sang about."

Samantha stopped dead in her tracks looking quizzical at her friend with eyebrows raised and a dumbfounded looked in her expression. Mariah stopped when she knew her friend was no longer behind her. She turned to notice her friend's face. "Have you been drinking again? You come up with the weirdest stuff, Mariah." Samantha shook her head at Mariah.

"No, I haven't been drinking, but I will start pretty soon if you want me to." Mariah said sarcastically and brisk off to her car.

"Mariah! You still haven't answered my question, when are you and cutie going out?!" Samantha tried catching up to her and succeeded.

"I don't know! We haven't decided yet, I don't think it will be anytime soon on account of me being an intern and he being a surgeon who actually does something in his life." Mariah opened her car door and hopped in still looking at Samantha.

"Where are you going?"

"To drink." With that, the woman slammed the door shut, started her transmission, put the car in gas and left leaving Samantha standing there watching her friend go on in the distance.

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The shower did in fact do Margaret Pierce a world of good, she felt clean again. It was perfect timing to, because as she got out and got changed into something, Hawkeye came calling home as he walked through the entrance. "Hawkeye?" She called out from the bedroom.

"I'm home, Margaret, you should be getting changed, we have a big night ahead of us!" Hawkeye shouted excitedly. He went into the kitchen and grabbed something light to eat before the restaurant food. Something just to hold him till they got there.

Margaret obeyed her husband and she got changed into her red dress, applied her makeup and came down the stairs gracefully like a queen would. Hawkeye saw her coming down and she looked beautiful. She was gleaming light off of her as if she came straight from heaven to be with him. The husband was speechless.

As she reached to the bottom of the stairs she twirled around once, nice and slow so Hawkeye could see full view of her. A smile came across her face. "What do you think, honey?" Her arms were out as if she was showing in a model agency.

"Margaret…. You looked ravishing. Delicious and most importantly beautiful like always." Hawkeye knew it was a good compliment since her smile widened ear to ear.

They shared a long kiss and Hawkeye went upstairs to prepare himself, as Margaret waited patiently.

When finished, he looked as if he was straight out of a wedding photo. A nice tuxedo that matched perfectly with his salt and pepper hair. It reminded her of the time back at the MASH unit when Margaret was celebrating the passing of one of her toughest inspections, and Hawkeye was in that similar tuxedo. Both danced the night away, good times, good times.

Hawkeye took Margaret's delicate hand into his and kissed the top of it. "Are you ready, my dear?"

"Whenever you are." The woman blushed deep red. With her arm tucked underneath his, they headed out the door, as if they were off to a grand ball.

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"I'll have tequila," Mariah told the bartender, she was prepared for the night of drunkenness, and she didn't give a damn to who may see her. "And please, keep it coming." She needed it, after all the drama that happened last night with her mother, she needed this drink.

"Rough day?" The bartender asked as he poured her a shot which she gracefully grabbed and chugged it down. It was the good stuff. She slammed the shot glass down hand still on it waiting for the bartender to be finished pouring yet again.

"More like a tough life…" Mariah changed that. "No, wait, a hellish life." The bartender finished pouring and she raised the glass, "Here's to me!" She took her gulp.


	15. Into the Ocean

**Chapter 15: Into the Ocean**

_A/N: Thank you always for the reviews, this is coming to an end pretty soon and quick. A long chapter for me, but a lot happens, so brace yourselves. :D Please bare with me, like you always do. :D :D _

In a drunken state wishing that the grim reaper would take her now, Mariah would call it a good evening. She didn't throw up on herself and she got rid of the horrible feeling she had. No, in fact it was numb, she couldn't feel it thanks to the number of drinks she had. She was grateful. Her mother used to do the same thing when she was younger, which led to her crazy partying and carousing. It was genetics, she supposed, unless she was really turning into her mother. That wouldn't be good. To be heartless to everyone and even herself, and then get Alzheimer's? Mariah didn't think so. She didn't bother getting up; she didn't feel like seeing the devil sun just yet. The dark was her company now, and she loved it. For a moment, she moaned from the headache that she was suffering now and stayed sprawled out in the bed.

"Mariah?" Samantha whispered as she entered the room. She was used to these hangovers, she knew Mariah for too long. She knew not to open the curtains or talk too loudly for her friend.

"Mmm…" The drunk answered in the same tone staying inside her pillow.

"A while ago, the nursing home called about your mother. She's in the hospital, Mariah. Arrhythmia, she fainted just this morning. She passed out on the ground, she's not doing well, there's a chance she may not make it. You should go see it." Her voice was filled with fear and sorrow.

Mariah thought for a moment, from her clouded mind. _Great, and to think life was getting a little better for me. Shit…. Now I wish I were dead._

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Their night, was enchanting as Margaret put it, she thought it through step by step as she lay in her empty bed. Hawkeye had to go to work earlier that morning, but Margaret didn't mind, last night was enchanting. They first ate a steak meal, drinking nice champagne as if on a first date. Then, Hawkeye got up off his feet sweeping Margaret and they started dancing as if it were the 1920s. They were laughing and acted as if they were teenagers again, they literally danced all night. When the slow dance came up, Hawkeye's arms went directly to Margaret's waist as hers went to his broad shoulders. Her head went against his chest as she closed her eyes; it was nice, and romantic in her heart. Hawkeye was hers and no one could ever take that away. They were on clouds.

Then when they came home… it was just fun for her, the best in a long time.

Dreamingly, she smiled still picturing Hawkeye's crooked grin and bright blue eyes by the candlelight. They looked like ice crystals shining only for her like they always did. When he would come home tonight, the night would continue a part two so to say and she can once again stare into her crystals.

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Like a slug, she prepared herself for work, with the pounding headache in her eye, but she had to work. Mariah decided that she should see her mother as she entered the hospital. Asking for directions, she found her mother's room and she stood in the doorway. She was sober enough to know what is going on. Jackie Moon's hard brown eyes looked at her daughter as if waiting for something to happen. Getting the nerve to speak, Mariah only spoke one word.

"Mom?"

"Mariah? Is that you? Where am I?" Mariah couldn't believe it; her mother was for once lucid. "Listen, to me, about that fight we had, I was wrong. You can become anything you want to be, you don't have to be a surgeon if you don't want, and I'm perfectly fine with that, it's your choice, not mine. It's your life, not mine." Jackie was remembering the last fight they had before Mariah went to Europe… five years ago. Jackie was talking fast.

"Mom." Mariah said again.

"Mariah, where am I?" They intern's mother started to pace in the room nervously. "Is this a hospital, no matter, I want to go home. Mariah, I want to go home." For once, Jackie's voice was scared and frightening; Mariah had never heard it like this before, it was like her emotions all coming back from behind her brain. Mariah sighed, and was going to break the news to her.

"You are home."

Wide eyes of Jackie stared on at her daughter.

"Well, not here anyway. I went to Europe five years ago; you got sick, you have Alzheimer's. I am an intern."

Jackie was in shock in disbelief. How could she possibly have Alzheimer's? She was too young to even contract that, it was impossible, but would her daughter really lie about that? "No!" She shouted as the tears made their way down the ex-surgeon's face.

"Mom," Mariah went over, helping her into the bed, handing her a box of tissues as well. She gave her mom a kiss, the first in a long time, "I'll be back in a little while I have a shift." Jackie didn't seem to care, she was too into the news she just heard.

Mariah walked out, unsure of what to do next, and took a breath of relief. In front of her was Hawkeye Pierce himself. His concerned blue eyes landed within Mariah's brown. _There's no escape, shit. Now I have to talk to him because of my mother. Thanks a lot mother. _

Mariah could tell that Hawkeye was nervous, but he did manage to speak. "How is she? "

"Not good, she's lucid and I just told her she has Alzheimer's. She's not taking it too great." She saw the concern on the Chief's face, knowing how much he really cared at this moment.

"Oh." Silence. "I was going to go in there, if that's alright with you."

She shrugged. "You're the boss; you're allowed to do whatever you want. You don't need my position. Now, Dr. Pierce, if you excuse me, I have a shift calling my name." She started to walk, but Hawkeye grab hold of her arm. She turned to the elder man.

"Mariah, I know what you think of me, I'm the devil to you, but in no way am I going to hold that against you on the job. I'm sorry for the way your mother treated you, I should have said something, but I didn't, and I'm sorry for that too. You will have to open this up someday of what happened, and what she did to you, and when you do, I'm here, I will be waiting. I'm not saying right now, or right away, but whenever you're ready, I would like you to come see me."

She thought it over for a moment and due to the tightness of the grip, the chief wasn't going to let go until he got an answer, so Mariah did just that. "You want me to open up? Okay, I'll open up right now. You say you won't hold that against me? Tell that to everyone here who has snickered as I walked down the halls, or point and whisper about it! Tell them that. I hear it; I'm not oblivious to it.

"You're sorry for the way she treated me? Are you kidding me? I never heard from my father again because of you and Mom, sure you weren't all to blame, they were fighting before you walked in the picture. When my parents got divorce, I was five; surely you remember that, my father moved away from us, not wanting anything to do with Mom again. I never heard from him since. He never wrote me and I don't know where in hell he is now, and you're sorry?? You made her happy, you were perhaps the love of her life, she was wonderful around you, and when you left, I was nothing to her but a reminder of a man she never loved, and just an annoyance or just there period! Did you know that my mother tried to kill herself because of you? You left; she had no will to live, she needed you. I waited to call 9-1-1, because she told me to as I sat in her blood. Perhaps the biggest mistake was saving her life. She never forgave me for that, and she never forgave you." Mariah took a deep breath continuing on and telling him her secret. "My mother has Alzheimer's Disease. I never told anyone that due to a promise she made me keep. I'd be surprise she'd remember you, but she probably will now that she's lucid." She felt like cracking at any moment. "I opened up to you, are you satisfied now? Go tell that to your psychiatrist friend! Now if you would excuse me, I have a shift to do." She snuck out of Hawkeye's grip and walked out into the hospital corridor in a huff with her headache continuing to pound due to the bright lights.

Hawkeye just stared on at her. He had no idea how hurt Mariah was abused in this relationship. And worse, suicide? Jackie Moon tried suicide? That couldn't be true, but Mariah was there, as she just said. He couldn't believe this, Sidney Freedman would have a kick out if this, she opened up to him, and it was tragic in the end. Now Hawkeye wished he didn't know what happened after their breakup. That sounded like Jackie Moon, and Hawkeye knew her to be cold to something she didn't like.

He decided to see Jackie just later on, he needed to adjust to the news that Mariah had just told. Her speech, her mother's personality made her who she is. Sidney was right, she is lucky to be alive, people in her situation would be depressed, but Mariah ignored it all, she was one hell of a woman, that's for sure. He walked to his office, waiting for the usual visit from Sidney so early in the morning.

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"Hey," Dr. Lincoln Forest greeted Mariah. She gave him a smile.

"Hey," She said in a huff and tiring way. The headache was suddenly fading in sight of him.

"I was wondering if you would like to go on a date with me tomorrow night at the most fanciest restaurant in all of Crabapple Cove." He flashed his famous smile at her, which always gave Mariah butterflies in her stomach.

"I would like that a lot, really I would. But not tomorrow, my mother's in this hospital… and there's just so much on my mind, I'm really sorry…."

"Yes," He cut in. "I heard. How is she doing?"

"Ok, I guess, she's probably getting surgery, she has heart trouble."

"I understand that, perhaps when you're peace in mind, I would love to take you out." Lincoln cooed with his voice. He gave her a kiss straight on the lips and that was the medicine to get Mariah back on her feet. "I'll see you later, beautiful." He walked away.

Mariah stared on at her mysterious man, and satisfied, she walked in pride, once again ignoring the snickers and went to work, where the real danger was only the beginning….

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"It was incredible, Sidney. Right there, she told me what really happened." Hawkeye started out his window on this cloudy day in Crabapple Cove.

"I guess she was ready," the psychiatrist said convinced of everything.

"No, she wasn't, she just told me, because I told her whenever she was ready, I'd be there. I can't believe what she really been through."

"I'm not too sure, something sparked in her and she managed to tell you about it. Maybe I should get her on the couch…" Sidney mused.

"No! Out of the question, she will know I said something." Hawkeye said defensively.

"But, you could say she's mentally unstable, and that'll have to put her on the couch."

"Let's see what happens with her mother and all this other crap going on in her life." He breathed. "Her mother's to get heart surgery tomorrow, I'll be sure she's not to work, it's already been official, her arrhythmias are up there, which is why she's here in the first place."

"I can't argue with you, but she's completely unstable right now if you want my professional advice."

"I'll see you around, Sidney, right now; I have to go to work." He walked from his window and headed out the door with Sidney close behind.

"Will do, chief..." Sidney said as he left with a grin.

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"Jackie." Hawkeye greeted as he walked into her room seeing monitors now. Jackie looked pretty much the same, there were flashes of gray in her hair and more wrinkles upon her face, but if he looked closely enough, it was the same Jackie. She looked beautiful.

She looked up. Could it really be? Hawkeye…. "Hawkeye?" It's been too long and yet she can recognize him, amazing.

He came and sat besides her giving her his perfect smile. "It's me. You remember."

"Of course I do. What are you doing here?"

"Perhaps Mariah didn't tell you, I'm the Chief Surgeon of Crabapple Cove General Hospital."

"Really??" Jackie was in shock. "I knew you would be great one day, you were always great with a knife." She beamed a smile.

Hawkeye smiled holding her hand, it was so smooth. "I know, I'm always good, I managed to go back to surgery too."

"That's great; you finally got over your dilemma? I knew you would."

"Yea, well…. What about you?"

She chuckled. "What about me? I have a disease for which there is no cure, and I'm now lucid. I'm waking up to the fact that my daughter is an intern here. What more do you need?"

"Nothing, nothing at all I'm sorry to say, but I remember."

"You do? All I remember is that you left to… go back to your wife, and that's it. I don't remember all the details."

"I do." Hawkeye scooted his chair a little more closely to the bed which Jackie obligated by resting her head upon his shoulder. Without thinking, he wrapped his arm around her, soothing her. "You were wearing your polka dot dress, and looked so beautiful like you always did. Mariah was playing on the playground in the park and you were on the bench watching her. And then…. That's when I called it off." He paused looking down at her waiting for any kind of response.

All she did was nod; there was nothing more to say or whatever. It was done, the love of her life left her and that's the end, leaving her daughter and her alone in this world.

"I hear you have surgery tomorrow."

"Mmmm… "

"I want you to look out for Mariah. Because she's got so much to learn and I won't be able to teach her."

"I'll look out for her." Hawkeye responded. _When she would calm down. _

"I wish I could go back… I'd do everything so differently, I fight harder for you. I think, it, if I fought harder for you, maybe." Her voice started to crack and exhaustion started to overwhelm her.

"We would have had a wonderful life together, Jackie," Hawkeye said, shocked when she looked up at him.

"You think so?"

"I do." He continued to rub Jackie's arm thinking over what he just said, and if he meant it. He loved Jackie, but he also loved Margaret. He loved Jackie once…. "We would have done our fellowship her, and then you would have fought me for chief, and won." Jackie laughed at the comment. "And I wouldn't have minded it, because we would have had our kids at home."

"We'd have kids?"

"Mariah would need a brother and sister, kids need family."

Jackie sighed, closing her eyes imagining it already. The kids, and… happiness. "We would be a family."

Hawkeye nodded. "Probably bought that big house on the parkway, the one with the barn. Yes, I'd say that would be a good place for a family."

"And I would be… happy. That would have changed everything. Maybe… I would be fine if we could be all together. And life would be perfectly normal," She started to cry, a Hawkeye held her tighter. "My life is so unfinished. It's unfinished and I'm not finished."

"No, Jackie. Don't think, just close your eyes and think of the family… of the house."

"And you there every night to come home to."

Hawkeye stared on at the window watching the clouds moving slowly for a moment. He looked back at Jackie who was now asleep on his shoulder breathing heavily. He set her down on her pillow watching her for another moment, and left. Before that, though, he went to her ear and whispered: "And me there. I'm there."

He walked out of the room.

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"This is Dr. Moon, she will be assisting me today," a doctor said to a patient. He continued on explaining the procedure and what was needed to be done, and Mariah put some details in as well when necessary. Her mind wasn't really with the patient but more with Dr. Pierce and her mother, plus the leftover hangover. She supposed that she shouldn't have yelled at him like that, but what choice did she have? He asked, and he just assumed that it was nothing major than it really was, but it wasn't. It was hell for her, and even now, her mother and she wouldn't look eye to eye. This didn't change a thing. Dr. Pierce didn't understand at all, he never would. Now of course she predicted he told Dr. Freedman and now she'll probably be unfit to move on, she would stand up for herself though, when the time came.

Both were done with the patient and left the room. Mariah leaned on the wall since nausea took over her headache. She took a deep breath, telling herself that it would be okay and went back to work; it was now noon, lunch time.

When satisfied that the nausea was gone, she headed off to the cafeteria, head down on the cold hard table. She didn't have much of an appetite and she just sat, head on the table staring out.

Sidney Freedman observed this. He knew that she needed help, and Hawkeye would have to do this, somehow, someday. What Mariah didn't know what that her friend Samantha was also concerned for her, for she is also giving reports about Mariah. He didn't express anything to Hawkeye, until he was certain, but now he could see, she needed help and quick.

Her pager beeped, seemed there was an emergency by the ER entrance. She sprang up from her state of non-being, and ran. Apparently there has been an accident near the docks and many were injured. The medical staff was calling all available interns for assistance.

"This 'ought to be fun 'eh Mariah?" Samantha asked.

"Hmm, yea, it should be." Mariah answered. Lincoln was sitting next to her giving her a tight squeeze on her hand for encouragement.

"Hey, you ok?"

"Dandy," Mariah answered. "Couldn't be better."

"Maybe you should take the time off tomorrow. I mean with your mother and all…"

"Samantha, I do not want to hear another word about my mother again. I had enough drama to last me a lifetime. And this damn hangover isn't helping any."

Samantha backed off. "Sorry."

They sat in silence until they got to the scene. A real accident. A lot of people were sailing today and many people got injured. Apparently the boats made course collision and smashed on to the docks of Crabapple Cove. It was hell. To top it all off, it was chilly on this cloudy day; luckily there was no rain… yet.

The interns were instructed and so did their jobs and they were off. Samantha helped some of the other interns and Mariah went off in the other direction on her own. Samantha took one look back at her friend concerned for her safety, but shook it off continuing on with her duty.

Mariah found a man lying on the ground near the edge of a dock with a wound on his leg; he was bleeding, and shaking frantically. He was in a lot of pain, and the first thing Mariah tried to hold him down. She took her back, and started tending to him. The man still didn't calm down, finally shouted, "I can't take it."

"Sir, please don't move," she struggled to calm him down. She was unable to, he fought back. She wasn't strong enough, and unintentionally, he pushed Mariah into the water.

It made a splash and fought to the surface trying to shout, but the water filled her lungs, it was ice cold. When her head did make the surface, her whole body felt numb. She was shivering, but didn't care. She didn't want to fight anymore. For once in a long, long time, Mariah felt…. Happy. This was an easy death, peaceful. Her ears were flooded with the freezing water, and she was floating for the last time seeing the docks of Crabapple Cove. Sure she would miss it all, but there is nothing to live for here. Her mother never acknowledges her, never loved her, she doesn't want to face the snickers and whispers in the halls anymore, she didn't want to be watched by Hawkeye and be reminded of the great Jackie Moon. She didn't want it. But here, in the water she felt wanted she was happy. Happiness, it made the whole dying part bearable.

She looked one last time, and then she started to sink….

_Practicing medicine doesn't lend itself well to the making of friends. Maybe because life and mortality are in our faces all the time. Maybe because in staring down death every day, we're forced to know that life, every minute is borrowed time. And each person we let ourselves care about is just once more loss somewhere down the line. For this reason, I know some doctors who just don't bother making friends at all. But the rest of us, we make it our job to move that line. To push each loss as far away as we can. _–Meredith Grey, season 5 ep. 18 "Stand By Me"


	16. I Fought the Angels

**Chapter 16: I Fought the Angels**

_**A/N: Hey! These lyrics don't and never will belong to me. The lyrics belong My Chemical Romance's "Heaven Help Us". I apologize for the long wait, been busy and all, but school's out and I'll have more time to write, don't worry! :D :D Thank you for the patience. :D **_

It was cold. The ocean waves. The body slowly sunk to the bottom without a fight without a struggle. Willingly, it sunk until it hit bottom. The body lay, looking for a rescuer... or for the soul to be free.

_"Hear the sound; the angels come screaming down your voice I heard you've been bleeding. Make your choice. They say you've been pleading someone save us!" _

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It was done. All of the casualties on this day were done headed to the only hospital in town. Samantha walked back into the ambulance from which most of the Crabapple Cove interns and doctors came. Dr. Lincoln Forest was right behind. Samantha didn't feel right though, there was something wrong. Something bad. But, like many of these feelings, she just let go of it, and she would discuss it with Mariah later with some beers.

Mariah… there was something wrong.

As she waited for her friend Samantha twiddled her fingers. She was anxious to get back, she never liked the docks. There was no particular reason; it's just that everything always happened in the water.

Clearing her head, she popped into the ambulance.

"Samantha, right?" Dr. Lincoln Forest asked climbing in right behind her. He recognized the name since Mariah mentioned her frequently when they were together after hours. She turned, noticing his nice abs. He couldn't have been a doctor, he was a model.

"Yes?"

"Where's Mariah?"

She paused. Where was she? She should be heading back by now… The others hopped in but no sight of Mariah. She couldn't ignore it. "Hey!" Samantha shouted. "Anyone see Dr. Mariah Moon?"

"I saw her by the water." One interned answered. "She was helping a casualty. Then, she just disappeared I guess."

The young woman didn't need to finish her sentence; Samantha already knew what happened—or what possibly happened. She glanced at Lincoln's adorable face. He knew it too. He read the worry and the fear.

Together, they jumped off the ambulance warning the driver first that he better stay put and ran towards the docks looking into the clouded water. Rain started to drizzle.

"Do you really think she's down there?" Samantha questioned to herself and Lincoln. She never really thought that her friend would want to drown. She never really thought that her lifeless body would be down there, it's just impossible.

Lincoln's eyes fluttered not understanding what possibly happened. He was holding in the tears that were starting to weld up in his eyes. She couldn't be dead. She _can't _be dead. He took a moment to answer, and when he finally did, all he did say was, "I guess we'll find out…" With that, he dived into the choppy waters without thinking searching the bonds of the sea for his beloved. He wanted to free her, to bring her back to life.

Samantha didn't have much time to react; to stop him; her body was too frightened to try anything. She had no time. The only thing she could do was to wait for him to rise… if he rose.

She was ready to go get help, but she didn't want to leave Lincoln if he rose up. Just as she was about to move, she saw the water splash, a man gasping for breath with a limp blue woman eyes shut.

"Mariah!!!" Samantha screeched as Lincoln managed to get her on the dock. He was out of breath ready to collapse at any given second. Samantha assisted in helping her get on the land and then helped Lincoln. Quickly though, she started compressions and CPR trying to get her heart beating…. It didn't work. Her heart was numb, like her body. Lincoln then lifted her off the ground sprinting to get her on the ambulance and try electrifying her heart.

The friend was right behind shaking from nervousness. Her knees felt as if they were to go from under her at any given minute. She couldn't believe this was all happening. Samantha needed this to become a dream; she needed it to be a nightmare. The thought of Mariah committing suicide is out of the question, she could see it since Samantha too noticed the snickers and giggles in the corridors of Crabapple General, but for her to take it seriously? Impossible.

"Make room!" Dr. Forest commanded as he put Mariah on the stretcher. The driver immediately went ahead as fast as he could to the hospital putting on his sirens. He started again compressions of her chest and mouth-to-mouth. Nothing. He got the pads ready. "Clear!"

The limp body popped up. Still nothing.

The other interns and doctors were silent, not sure of what to do or say to make this situation better. It was better off they kept silent thanking God above that it wasn't them.

"Mariah! C'mon girl, you can get through this! Come back to us, please I'm begging you!" Sobs took over then. Life wouldn't be the same without Mariah Moon.

_And will you pray for me? Or make a saint of me? And will you lay for me? Or make a saint of me? Cause I'll give you all the nails you need. Cover me in gasoline. Wipe away those tears of blood again, and the punch line to the joke is asking. Someone save us. _

_-------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Finally they made it to the hospital where Mariah was quickly wheeled and transferred to another room for special cases. Lincoln wheeled along trying to resuscitate Mariah with an airbag.

While wheeling Mariah into the operating room, they passed by Hawkeye Pierce, who was stunned to see the rush. He stopped one of the followers. "What's going on here?"

"It's Mariah, sir. She drowned. The doctors are trying to revive her."

"_What?! How?"_ He didn't wait for an answer, but quickly ran to catch up, he needed to save her, and he needed to help. He needed to despite all the things.

It was positive that they would never see eye to eye about the past, present or future but that didn't matter now. Hawkeye knows that she would be still pissed off about what happened he needed Mariah to know that he would still be there and never be mad at her. He would feel sympathy on her life, not anger. Part of the way she was raised was his fault…. Whenever Hawkeye would see Jackie, Mariah was quickly sent away and forgotten about for a weekend. He knew Jackie didn't care for her daughter; he knew that Mariah was just a reminder of a mistake. Hawkeye should have stopped it, he should have told Jackie about the way he was treating her daughter… which explains the way Mariah was in high school—black and pink hair, her time in college—barely passing. It was because of everything.

Now her life was hanging in a balance. Sprinting, the older man wondered if she intentionally did it. If it was just a vibe in her to end her life. After all, she was a living reminder of Jacqueline Ann Moon.

_No bothering with it now_. He thought. He entered the room, stricken like lightning. Her body, laying there, with tubes within her mouth giving her air, monitors around and stuck on her to see the beating heart… when there was one. The doctors around her continued to work to bring her back to life by pumping her heart, using the paddles to electrify the body.

On a better note, she was no longer as pale or blue, but her temperature was low: 86.6 F. There was a chance that she was no longer going to make it, but by the order of Dr. Lincoln Forest and Dr. Benjamin Franklin Pierce, they were going to continue to fight.

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She sat up in her hospital bed staring out the window provided for her. Her mind was deteriorating and no longer in the present. Jackie Moon was now in the past once again. It was fun while it lasted; she saw her daughter and ex-flame.

Her daughter didn't show her anything. Her daughter has always been, but she hadn't seen Hawkeye in over 20 years. And once again, he made her stomach turn into butterflies.

It was overwhelming. She was in a hospital once more, but not working in one, but a patient. Jackie Moon never wanted to be a patient; she didn't want to be laying here helpless and useless waiting for a miracle. Although even out of the bed she would be helpless, she has no memory anymore. No sense of the day or year or century even. Jackie didn't want that. She wanted things back to the way they were.

She wanted to walk down a hospital corridors in her blue scrubs, gloves on her hands and a scalpel in them wanting to open anything up and get ready for to tour of the anatomy. It fascinated her, it was her; a gift that should never be wasted. For God's sake, she came up with the "Moon Effect" that modernized the majority of hospital techniques across the United States. And because of that is she cursed with an incurable disease? Why?

Jackie sighed; nothing could make an answer appear. Nothing.

She jumped: her arrhythmias were acting up again, she supposed. But something wasn't right…. Out of nowhere she couldn't hold her breath. Gasping for air she sat up trying to see if that would work, she felt like she was choking. She heaved, until she blacked out due to the lack of oxygen and fell back on her pillow as the monitors beeped for no pulse with the run of nurses coming to revive her.

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"Breathe damn it!" Dr. Hawkeye Pierce called out as he too tried reviving Mariah. Her temperature was back up to 98.6 but there was still no response. There was no will in this body to live.

The rest of the staff—a nurse, Samantha and Lincoln worked to get her back. Technically, she would be dead by now, but they weren't going to give up.

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The spirit lingered. She lingered, watching intently as they tried to bring her back. She saw the pathetic still somewhat pale body lying limp and motionless. Death.

Mariah, for once in her life, felt happy. She felt free and independent, no longer under anyone's domain. She was no longer a reminder of an affair so long ago between the head and her mother, she was herself. And she felt good. She would probably haunt here, it would only make sense she had high doubts that she would go to heaven.

No matter, she watched as the angels did everything they could to make the paralyzed body moving once more.

"Why are you here?" A woman's voice spoke from behind Mariah which shocked her. The voice was familiar. Slowly, the soul turned to see another soul of her mother.

"Mom?" She croaked out not believing what she was seeing. The woman only nodded.

"You don't belong here." She replied. "Why are you here?" she repeated.

She paused; she didn't know what to say. She couldn't say that she committed suicide. That wasn't really something to say to a mother. "I…I gave up on life."

Jacqueline Ann Moon only nodded. "You still don't belong here. Don't give up on life, Mariah." She gripped her daughter's shoulders tears starting to form from what Mariah could see. "There is so much for you to do, that I will never be able to do. You need to learn from me. Don't follow me. Don't be a damn--" She pulled Mariah towards her, giving her a tight hug unable to finish her sentence.

Mariah, shocked like she was that day at the home responded by giving her a hug back feeling her mother's hands rubbing her back. Her eyes too were almost in tears. Her mother did love her, but this did prove it.

"You don't belong here." For the third time Jackie Moon repeated.

Letting go and looking at her mother in her eyes she said, "Neither do you."

"Just keep going." Mariah knew what she meant and was actually going to listen.

"You will no longer be a reminder of me, Mariah. You will not follow my footsteps, learn from me and follow your own path. You will become your own person upon your own path and you will feel great when you do. Be extraordinary, Mariah. Be an extraordinary woman, Mariah."

The daughter remembered those words from so many years ago. They rang like a bell inside her memory. She could only nod.

"Now run, run." Jackie replied.

Mariah turned to her body and started towards it, leaving her mother to rest in peace…

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As they were about to call time of death, the numbers of Mariah's monitors came up. The whole gang got up looking down at Mariah as she was breathing on her own.

"She's alive." Samantha praised feeling relieved and joy.

"And look, she's breathing." Lincoln added as he sat on by her head stroking her hair.

Hawkeye felt relief, but that didn't last long when another nurse informed him the death of Jacqueline Moon minutes before.

He looked at Mariah, then at Lincoln deciding to leave the room and see for himself. He promised himself that he would be back in a few minutes.

As he left, Mariah croaked out a small voice. Both Samantha and Lincoln urged her to say more, but she did one better, she opened her eyes saying one word: "Ouch."

She was back.

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It has been a long day, and Hawkeye found himself dragging himself into Jackie's room finding a still body. She lay peaceful and firm. The elder man pulled up a chair and sat with her holding her hand that was becoming cold.

"You've been gone a short time." He said. "It seems like a long time though. It has, in a way. We were separated for a long time. Our reunion was short. If I could turn back time, I would make the time last longer. I miss you. I miss everything about you. Your voice, your smile. I miss you."

He kissed her hand that he was holding and just stayed in the room with water down his cheeks from his lover.


	17. You Are Not Alone

**Chapter 16: You Are Not Alone**

Mariah slept most of the night waking up very early to the streak of sun shining on her face from the window. She winced for a moment, and then opened her eyes, remembering where she was. She just tried to kill herself, and she didn't feel anything.

She wasn't sure if she felt guilt for trying to end it or happiness to make an attempt. It's not that she would ever enjoy life; she was a living reminder no matter what her mother's spirit had told her. Her mother never understood what it was like; her mother was the tormentor as she was the tormented. Her mother would only assume everything was ok and that everyone did erase the memories from before. They didn't. Jackie Moon would never understand that, and she never did. From the day she was old enough to understand, Mariah was not wanted, she was sure of it. Either that or her mother had a sick way of loving her daughter with the emotional abuse. It didn't matter now. This is the woman she grew up to be, trying to strive to be far better than her mother. It succeeded… but it didn't at the same time.

Mariah sighed, stretched slightly since her legs were cramped. The tubes and monitor wires prevented her from bending. If she did bend, the beepers would go off and they could wake the dead. No doubt, but she did manage to barely bend them. She hated this bed. She hated to be the patient; she hated everything about this room and condition. People would be coming in soon to give condolences, flowers and sympathy and acting all happy with the fake smiled formed on their faces. She hated that the most. She got that the most when she used to come to work with her mother when informed of her divorce. Even as a child, she hated it. She wasn't looking forward to it.

More thoughts filled her mind but the one major one was what to do with her mother's body. Shortly after waking up, one of the administrations told her of the tragic death of Jacqueline Ann Moon. Apparently she died of complications and went into shock. Mariah can't say she could cry. Crying would mean more and more sympathy. Crying would mean that she would actually miss her mother; she would but she wouldn't. Jackie wasn't much of a mother who shown her compassion and affection of love. Mariah loved her mother dearly but their relationship was different that other mother/daughter relationships. It was complicated.

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Hawkeye Pierce sat up in his bed watching out the window trying to sob quietly so he wouldn't wake Margaret, who was still sleeping soundly.

He sniffled, wiping his eyes on the back of his hand continuing to look on. Jackie was dead. His ex-lover was dead. And it was not only a day ago when they finally talked to each other after twenty years of silence. They would become good friends again, then maybe he would visit her at the nursing home and talk for hours and hours about the memories they both had. Maybe they would have done that.

One thing he would always remember would be her kisses. They were soft and yet passionate. It made Hawkeye forget about everything going on in his life; it gave him a calming, soothing feeling. He would then grab her by her slim waist, holding her tight never wanting to let her go.

He smiled at the memory, and some of the tears subsided, but the hurt was still there killing him slowly inside.

Quietly, he made a slight movement on the bed; Margaret woke up. She squinted up at him noticing the little tears from his eyes. "Hawk? What's the matter?" She questioned.

Coming to a conclusion; he couldn't hide it anymore. He looked down at her giving her a big grin and she saw the twinkle in his ice blue eyes. "You know Jackie Moon? You know her daughter Mariah?"

Margaret nodded.

"Jackie; Mariah's mother passed away yesterday. She was a devoted doctor of the profession." His tears returned and he quickly turned to the window not wanting her to see his tears. She sat up, holding his hand and leaned against his shoulder for support. She knew there was something wrong, and his ex-lover had died. At this moment, Margaret couldn't insult her now, although in her mind, she deserved what she got after trying to take Hawkeye away from her. A wife's instinct. One day, Margaret decided she would tell him that she knew all along; about Jackie and Mariah and them together. One day.

"Why don't you stay home?"

Hawkeye shook his head. "No, I'll go to work; I'll be home earlier though." With that said he got out of bed and prepared himself for work.

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He got there within the hour and decided to see Mariah. Jackie's body was already taken to the morgue. Hawkeye walked to the room and did a quick knock on the answer; he wasn't going to wait for an answer; he just walked in casually and saw Mariah's eye as he entered.

Her glare was icy, giving Hawkeye chills down his spine. It still wasn't going to stop him. The Chief just gave her a grin, pulled up a chair and sat beside her.

When she opened her mouth to speak, trying to get him out most likely, Hawkeye put his finger up in silence. "I'm going to speak first. Ok? Good. First off, I'm sorry and I mean this, I'm sorry for the way your mother has raised you. If I were aware of the situation and the conditions she had done, I would have stopped it. I'm not a cruel person, Mariah. I had no idea what Jackie was doing to you. You deserve better, you deserved better parents. You're a terrific girl, with ambitions and have so much potential; you'll make it in this hospital and beyond.

"Second, I love your mother. But I also love my wife. I never stopped loving your mother. I, at one point wanted to marry her, but I came to realize that, my wife is the most important thing in the world. Your mother is my first love and always will find a spot in my heart. I had no idea how much she loved me, and apparently she was willing to sacrifice her own life just to have me. I honestly tried writing to you guys, but you've moved and my letters were sent back. For twenty something years, I thought of what happened to you guys, if anything got better or worse. I also loved you, Mariah. I cared for you deeply like you were my daughter. You must believe me." The elder man paused. Mariah just stared at him, wide eyed. He did care after all. He really cared.

All the daughter could do was nod solemnly. She didn't doubt that he loved them; she knew that he loved her too. "I know…" she whispered.

Hawkeye nodded. "I'm just going to put this out there, but would you like help with the funeral arrangements? I'd be more than happy to help."

Finding her voice she answered staring at his ice blue eyes that looked like crystals. "I haven't decided, after all I just found out that she passed on hours ago plus I've been so worried about my own recovery." She wasn't mad, but forgave him now mentally.

"I understand. Once you're well then. What happened anyway?"

"With what?" She questioned raising an eyebrow.

"In the water." He stated.

"When I was working on a patient, he tipped my in the water since he was wiggling too much. I… I fought, I swam but I couldn't catch my breath. The water was cold…." Mariah didn't want to go into any more detail.

"Did you try to drown yourself, Mariah?" He knew the truth but wanted to hear it from her lips. He knew because there would be no other reason… he remembered Jackie paying for swimming lessons when she was younger… of course she could swim.

"What?"

He repeated the question.

"Why would I do that? I told you, I couldn't catch my breath, and I couldn't see the surface…" Her voice went low once more, through her lies. Now, she couldn't eye him and turned away. He took her chin and faced it to him.

Gently, he asked, "You tried to kill yourself, didn't you?"

Silence was everywhere for at least five minutes before she gave a nod and once again whispering, "Don't tell anybody…. "

"I won't, Mariah. But you need help. You need professional help. You're just like your mother, she always hid her emotions too, showing her tough side, but there's always a limit. You walked the same path as your mother, risking her life. Your life is precise, but you are unhappy. You need to be alive. You need to show me that you can live in order to save lives. You will be under my supervision until you seem fit to perform surgery. It's for your own good."

Mariah didn't feel like arguing, because there was nothing to argue about. He was right, he was right. She did act like her mother; she did hide her emotions. There was no place to go when she was little, she couldn't cry for help or scream or get anger period. There was no guidance. Now, she could start her life over, of course she doesn't want to but she knows it's the right thing to do. She needs to be brought back to life. Hawkeye looked as if he was waiting for an answer, so she gave him a smile meaning yes.

He grabbed her hand assuring her that he would be there every step of the way and she was not alone, her friends would be there taking the steps with her.

She laughed for no apparent reason and the two once again started talking about memories, mothers and doctors.

The future was looking bright for Dr. Mariah Janet Moon, and she was looking forward to it.

_What's worse, new wounds which are so horribly painful or old wounds that should've healed years ago and never did? Maybe our old wounds teach us something. They remind us where we've been and what we've overcome. They teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future. That's what we like to think. But that's not the way it is, is it? Some things we just have to learn over and over again. _–Dr. Meredith Grey. Season 3 ep. 19 "Scars and Souvenirs"

**~Fin~**

_A/N: Wow! I finally finished. You guys know the drill, the mushy part! :D :D First, I would like to apologize for not getting Hawkeye into character, I did try and I figured that he would be more of a fatherly figure with Mariah. Anyways, thank you beahawk and maximom4077 for always reviewing! It kept me going all the way and made me feel good for my first chapter story of H/M. Thanks for the help as well guys, you guys kept this story going. :D I also would like the thank everyone else who had reviewed as well, please drop a line when you can. I love reviews! Thank you, thank you. :D :D Of course, I also don't own the titles of these chapters, in case you haven't caught on, they're song titles. This one is Michael Jackson's (RIP) and the majority the Beatles and other pop stars. :D :D _


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